Comment by leot | Hacker News Reader

Comment by leot | Hacker News Reader

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Regret is unhelpful and indicates a lack of acceptance of the past and present. As such, it is personally irresponsible and shouldn't be celebrated.

Stepping back, norm breaking seems to have gotten even more newsworthy lately. However, publicizing a broken norm is not always an obvious good. Propagation of the news of a norm being broken encourages more breaking of this norm. And often we have little understanding of the work this norm is doing.

Is it damaging for a child to entertain the idea that their parents might regret their existence? Probably. Is it damaging for all involved to have a big conversation about motherhood regret and its being ok? Also, probably. Not every thought deserves to be aired.

How about remorse? Perhaps even that is not the appropriate word here, but do you believe there are any circumstances in life where grief is a natural and even healthy response? If so, why not this circumstance?

I would suggest that if you encounter a situation in life where there's genuine remorse for a choice you've made, there aren't only two options of "celebrate your regret" or "suck it up." There's such a thing as honoring pain without dwelling on it, and if done properly, it actually enables your growth in a way that's healthy for both you and the world. And if so, perhaps it's okay for the world to learn from your growth.

The trouble is that "regret" is doing too much work. It's at once a statement of fact and an activity.

As a statement of fact it's ok. As an activity it's usually a waste of time.

Well I, for one, feel that I'm benefiting from hearing from people who regret having children. So in the right context, I think it's indeed helpful.

> norm breaking seems to have gotten even more newsworthy lately

Sorry, where are these norms supposedly coming from then?

Why do you smile when you see a friend? Was it a rule you decided on or something you just do? What if you suddenly stopped?

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