Comment by sheepmullet | Hacker News Reader

Comment by sheepmullet | Hacker News Reader

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> What exactly do you think it mean for someone's experience of discomfort to be "unreasonable"?

Way outside of the norm. I'm not quite sure what you are getting at?

> And why do you think that justifies taking actions that we know are likely to cause someone else discomfort?

1. Is causing discomfort immoral? Sometimes but it can also be a good thing.

2. What makes you think it's likely to cause discomfort? It's a tiny minority who are truly bothered.

The reason guys will ask multiple times is because it works - Millions of happy relationships have started after an initial rejection.

3. Why do you only consider one persons discomfort?

Not being able to find a life partner is incredibly discomforting.

What about the discomfort faced by the many many women who like being chased?

>Way outside of the norm.

>It's a tiny minority who are truly bothered.

I don't think women feeling harassed by men's advances is remotely "outside the norm", or a "tiny minority". It's very common, which is exactly the problem.

>What about the discomfort faced by the many many women who like being chased?

If people like this kind of courtship, they should be willing to communicate that, rather than making it impossible for anyone to say "no" just so they can get their kicks. If there's no safeword for this "chasing" it shouldn't be considered consensual.

> I don't think women feeling harassed by men's advances is remotely "outside the norm", or a "tiny minority". It's very common, which is exactly the problem.

By college students on campus?

That's not at all the impression I get from my daughter or her friends who finished college recently.

Her opinion is the men are way too timid.

> If people like this kind of courtship, they should be willing to communicate that

Why? Why isn't it up to the minority of people who have a problem to communicate clearly?

> impossible for anyone to say "no" just so they can get their kicks.

It doesn't make it impossible to say no. What are you talking about?

What it means is a women might have to say no a couple of times over time or make it clear they have no interest at all.

I've asked a friend to meet up for coffee 3x this fortnight and he has said no each time. Should I never ask him again to get coffee?

If I keep asking him does that mean he can't say no?

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