From your trainwreck description of existence, I think you'd like the life of a yogi (and the required ability to stomach a bunch of pain while in mayurasana).
Checkout 'inner engineering' on audible.com,
also try a grounding mat
Checkout 'inner engineering' on audible.com,
also try a grounding mat
I'm pretty hardcore existential-naturalist (existentialism actually was a reaction against naturalism by I am a born syncretic) and as a result the anarchy of LeGuin's the Dispossessed or Kropotkin's Conquest of Bread present more or less identical praxis but with out the need for faith in anything more than my neighbors.