Bitcoin is neither of those things. Mining, developers and exchanges are all centralized. All a government that cares has to do to control issuance or censor transactions is regulate those entities.
Companies like Chainalysis have become really good at not only clustering related UTXOs but also monitoring taint as UTXOs are attempted to be obfuscated. [1]
[0] https://www.coindesk.com/goodbye-fungibility-ofacs-bitcoin-b...
[1] https://www.chainalysis.com
As an aside, the patronizing tone is unwarranted. It was acceptable five years ago when the jury was out on Bitcoin, but science is slowly revealing the inadequacies of the technology. Examples here [2] and here [3] and here [4]
[2] https://www.cell.com/joule/fulltext/S2542-4351(18)30177-6
[3] https://www.tse-fr.eu/sites/default/files/TSE/documents/doc/...