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You can get one for <$30, they're called featurephones. The rebooted Nokia 3310 claims one month of (stand by) battery life.

Aggh, sorry...I meant to be agreeing more with the parent comment I replied to. I want all that plus an e-ink screen running freeBSD and some very basic browsing. I don't think old Nokia dumb phones had that.

Feature Phones are still a thing. You can still get such a thing.

https://www.verizonwireless.com/basic-phones/

There's a whole bunch of phones that do basically what you're looking for.

Just buy a dumb phone. It does exactly what you described.