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Comment by olliej | Hacker News Reader

Wedding cakes are such an unnecessary expense - I’m not going to say a rip-off because the impressive looking ones clearly take a ton of time to make - but if you don’t care about them looking like “amazing one of a kind” cakes a regular bakery can make super tasty non-sheet cakes for a reasonable amount.

We used the sadly defunct sweet inspiration in SF (sf rent prices happened afaik) and it was I think 35-40/each for three cakes which was fine.

Venue was still the biggest expense - I think all up we were somewhere in the 5-10k range which was apparently “cheap” o_O

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> Wedding cakes are such an unnecessary expense

That fits with many of the other wedding expenses then, I guess. Obligatory comedy clip: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gimiDBAK2wA

It's insane how much money some people spend on weddings. All of the ones we've had in my family have been much more low-key type parties, just getting the families together and having some good food and drink together.

I would hate to be at one of those stuffy "high-class" super expensive weddings. Just let me sit down with friends and family over a nice dinner, maybe a few speeches and silly songs, and then lounge afterwards with a few beers and shoot the breeze.

Weddings in general are just a huge waste of money. Why put people into debt to start their lives? I don't want that burden put on parents either. Keep it simple.

We went in with that approach - we got married earlier this year in a lovely little restaurant surrounded by 30 of our friends and family. The venue was happy to have us as long as we bought roughly as much food/booze as they would normally sell. We had the whole kit and kaboodle there, and because there was only 30 of us they could go all out on food - it was some of the best food I've ever eaten. We had a great, intimate night and walked out with no debt. Wouldn't change it for the world.

The struggle comes when you have large families. Who do you cut? At this point in my life, I'd rather just elope to the justice of peace.

Yeah, we said siblings, parents, and grandparents only. Went ruthless on it.

I got married down at the court house during my lunch break. Invested what we would have otherwise wasted on tradition-worship.

We felt it important to mark the occasion - we'd been together nearly a decade, and we're not the sort to go places or do things (we took our first going away vacation with the honeymoon), so we felt it was important to us, but equally fair to just get er done and move on.

It's good for the economy, and purely voluntary (if you ignore the manipulative marketing indoctrination).

When you meet the girl of your dreams, let me know how voluntary the rest of your life is.

Yes. Weddings are such a ridiculous waste of money that it boggles the mind.

In my region, it is customary for the guests to give an envelope to the newlyweds, with the sum of money somewhat approximating the marginal costs of the guests' presence on the event. That is, if all the guests were nice and following the custom, the newlyweds would have recouped a big part of their expenses. In other words, a modern wedding is basically a process of transferring significant amounts of money from the guests to the caterers, photographers and venue owners.

Capitalism at its best.

Weddings are inherently a party, so it's not surprising that some are extravagant. What world do you want to live in where there is no extravagance or anything extra?

It's a ceremony and party that is paid for. If you see it as a process of transferring money you are missing something quite important.

My wife and I married at the town hall with our parents and siblings as guests.

The only expense was the dress and dinner after and it totaled about 10000 NOK (€1000) so it doesn't have to be that expensive :)

We didn't have cake.

It's not a "modern" tradition.

Transferring wealth/power was the main reason weddings were created in the first place

Yeah, but that was supposed to be a transfer between families involved; currently, it's a transfer from families to third parties in the wedding industry.

How are the guests supposed to have any sort of idea what the wedding budget and number of attendees is?

No, you only need to have an idea of the ballpark figure for a seat at a table. Then you bump it up by 20% to 50% and apply a multiple related to your own circumstances and level of personal connection to the guest. Then you buy a gift worth around that or just give them money in an envelope. (Some couples make their preferences known in this regard, but generally speaking I would say that giving a well-chosen gift is nicer than just giving money.)

It is not quite the algorithmic process I have described, though. It is a matter of custom and manners and therefore people arrive at the appropriate behaviour mostly unconsciously.

I assure you that if you personally do not have any idea about this, your +1 does.

> generally speaking I would say that giving a well-chosen gift is nicer than just giving money

I feel this is sort of a thing that's false, but you're required to believe it. Looking at it from the receiving end, money is worth more than gift, because a gift will likely be useless, or duplicate, or at best it will lock down the couple's ability to get the equivalent they want (I give you a good toaster you don't like; you'll be inclined to keep it, even though you'd prefer to buy a different one yourself). Money is the best gift, because it's no-strings-attached.

I definitely noticed that the shift of preference from gifts to money is happening in the cultural sphere I live in. Of course things may be different elsewhere.

That's the thing. A bad gift is worse than money, but a good gift - something that the couple actually wants and would buy - is better because it (a) shows consideration and thoughtfulness and (b) saves the couple the time it would take to go out and buy the item. This is the principle behind wedding registries, of course.

Because presumably their family has thrown a few weddings themselves.

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