Comment by Broken_Hippo | Hacker News Reader

Comment by Broken_Hippo | Hacker News Reader

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I disagree. I'm 40, and had life pre-internet. Cell phones were still expensive when I was in school. A portion of my friends were too poor to regularly have home telephone service. I'm bisexual, and paid for that bit with a middle school not talking to me most of a school year. I lost friends because I dated folks with a different skin color. I didn't really tell folks I was atheist back then, but it didn't really matter because my parents required I go to church every sunday.

I lived in the midwest. The town sizes ranged from 3000 to around 50k. I've never really had more than 2-3 friends at once, and sometimes didn't have that. My ex wound up with schizophrenia, but that's another story altogether.

I started being lonely at 10 or 11. That's only gone away in the last 6-10 years. Regular internet meant I've met folks I can simply be myself with. I moved - across an ocean - to be with one of those folks. I'm rarely lonely anymore, even with the internet. Even with the language barrier. Even with my weirdness.

For the first time in my life, here I feel like I kinda belong, and it is a mix of offline and online stuff. I'm even in a country that is "difficult" for folks to make friends with - or at least they say it is. On the other hand, it actually fits my personality better.

I don't find it hard to talk to folks online. Male or female (I tend to have more male friends than female, and don't care about the distinction. My male spouse is the opposite). sure, some folks are simply there to flirt, but I can shut them down pretty quickly.

Familiar! Some of it, at least.

Asking the "wrong" people out in middle school ('90s) sure was a fast track to being an outcast. Paradoxically, the rising positive presence of LGBTQ+ people in media in the '90s made things worse. People were on the lookout for us!

I don't know if it was worse than the '80s where our presence in the media was almost universally negative.

Later, I found Twitter, and met a friend (also bi) who had lived mere miles away all my life. We probably never would have met without the internet. Having backup when we hang out has actually made me more social because I'm not worried about being alone up against a crowd who decides it's time to make an example of someone.

Hah. I didn't even get to asking the wrong person out. I was caught looking. Oops. :)

I feel almost ashamed for asking this, but are things really that bad for you guys?

You sound like you guys are half joking, but then, not really. So I can't tell.

If it is that bad, I guess people can be bigger arse-holes than I thought.

I literally sat alone for most of 8th grade. I went to that school system two more years after that, and still heard stuff whispered behind my back. I can have half a sense of humor over it now, but it all makes me angry as well. I'd rather laugh than have rage about it all. The next school, I didn't tell anyone. Of course, this also meant that I didn't sleep with a woman until I was out of high school - oddly enough, it was girl I knew from school. I knew of a school official that didn't want gay teachers because he blamed a teacher for "making his son gay". I know this sort of thinking still goes around today. I can only imagine what folks in the 50's, 60's, and 70's went through.

It was weirdly easier being in a mixed "race" relationship back then. I got harassed by cops at times, slurs when out in public, and remember churches stating it was against god. But at least everyone didn't avoid me.

It was pretty normal to be minimally ignored and still find that I'm cautious of who I tell - women sometimes avoid me and men will sometimes make me an object. I truly think gay men have it worse simply because men are more likely to get beaten up by some groups. I think that it sometimes depends on where folks live as well on the severity of it all now.

Edit: I just came back to say thank you so much for asking about it :)

I was out for a walk recently and overheard a group of kids talking, and the f word was present. Not only are things bad, the next generation seems to be the same.

And that's with me being white and having the ability to pass as an ordinary dude most of the time. Trans women (especially of color) die every day, and that's just the ones who get reported on. Just as many get treated as "brawls gone wrong" or "tragic suicides" because their family didn't accept them and give correct information in the obituary.

There are more cisgender and heterosexual people willing to stand up against it, but that mainly helps when it comes to policy. It doesn't help much with the day to day for most.

edit: I do appreciate you asking. Way too many people assume things are fine now because there's gay people on TV, or some other arbitrary metric. There's still a long way to go.

I do think trans women and men definitely have the hardest time. Assault, murder, and freaking rape. And depending on the area, a male being raped might not be eligible for a rape charge if the police will even do anything about it.

I’m curious as to why you think kids using the f word means things are bad? Not trying to imply anything I’m genuinely curious.

When folks are calling others slurs and insults based on sexuality, there is still a lot of taboo around it. If it isn't bad to be part of the LGBT community, it is harder to use any of the words describing folks like me as insults. It is in the same strand as using nationality or skin color references as insults: If it isn't a bad thing, you won't use the insult. Of course, you could be ignorant - especially at a young age, but that also means no one has bothered to explain what it means nor encouraged to be inclusive. They definitely weren't talking about the word "fuck" in any of its forms.

Ah, yeah I was thinking of a different f word.

Possibly referring to a different f word than you might be thinking of. Eg I assumed it wasn't fuck.

I’d disagree, too. Like yourself, half of my life was with any internet or devices. It was still very awkward to just walk up to people and starting talking to them. I believe there are two things at play here: these things get measured nowadays, and, people get more picks who to be with. A lot of people are looking/waiting for the perfect partner and don’t want to put too much energy into keeping a relationship, that’s maybe where devices play a larger role than before.

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