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Comment by ChuckMcM | Hacker News Reader

This resonates with me. When growing up the 'parties' I went to or heard about were really just excuses to get drunk together, which, when you're not really into drinking culture, isn't very interesting. Actual gatherings where people came to talk and socialize were few and far between.

EDIT: I do have a different expectation for parties, but understand that parties have a spectrum, from people going to a party to drink/smoke/bump what have you to reach a point of near senselessness on one end of the spectrum, to perhaps a gathering of people in the same industry who are trying to "network" at the other. My expectation for informal parties is in the middle of this where people may drink but where it isn't their expectation that they will get drunk, and the discussions will be more intimate and not business related.

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I think you have it backwards. In my experience, the "drinking culture" is the excuse to get together and even meet new people sometimes. Getting a beer at the bar is a cheap way to have a place to be and "activity" to do while talking freely. Same with the bottle and the living room at someone's place.

The actual alcoholics drink alone. (And that's essentially the problem.)

Some would say it's sad that we can't just gather around a table just to talk. But the advantage of the drink (not necessarily alcoholic), is you have to be there and not on the phone.

“drinking culture” is often the only way to socialize in groups, and not necessarily alcoholism. But it can very well be.

Compare it to other “drug cultures”, e.g. cocaine. Of course users socialize heavily, but that does not mean that they are not addicted or harming themselves.

But it also doesn’t mean that they are addicted, or that the social drinkers are just fine.

Were people not talking/socializing while drinking? It sounds like you have a nonstandard expectation for "parties".

People aren't as entertaining as they think they are when they're drinking, and not being drunk means you really need other aspects of the experience to fill in.

You also have the problem that people get suspicious of people hanging around not drinking alcohol.

I'm not making the claim that drunk people are equally fun for a sober person to hang out with as other sober people, which you seem to be responding to - I'm saying the majority of the population would expect there to be alcohol at a party (even the type of upper class New York party described in the linked article).

It sounds like they wanted a hobby meetup group or similar.

> You also have the problem that people get suspicious of people hanging around not drinking alcohol.

Once you're out of college I think this is mostly in your imagination. Nobody will judge you for drinking water or diet soda and you similarly shouldn't judge someone for enjoying a beer at a social event.

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