"But it was Alice’s, entitled “A series of awkward events separated by snacks,” that floored me.

Hers was a hodgepodge of lists and memories written under duress (“Mom: Write or death!”). Favorite color: “Black. Like my soul.” Favorite holiday: “Halloween (because candy and murder).” She liked Alfred Hitchcock films. “Basically,” she wrote, “I’m an angsty teen in a child’s body.”

This kid’s 11?"

Forget the mother, make an entire article about that kid. Heck, let her write that article.