I think I have some lasting trauma for the year I was on call.

I still have nightmares that I'm getting woken up into a hellish situation to fix code I've never seen at 3am. Or that I'm out on a date or having a beer or trying to enjoy my life when I get called.

I remember the constant state of anxiety just knowing I could be called. Couldn't even wind down watching a movie much less read a book. I quit when I realized I felt a sense of relief commuting to work the next morning because I wouldn't have to field an emergency by myself.

I also remember fantasizing about being a cafe barista or security guard that year. Waited way too long to get out.