He, the fourth, was the only one that had me look at an Amsler Grid whereupon, for the first time, I realized my vision in one eye was completely warped. Turned out I had a big blister, more or less, behind my retina.

So, is he old with shaky hands? Yes. But, better an old shaky-handed doctor who knows what the hell he's doing than a young steady-handed doctor who knows nothing.

Pars Planitis is what it's called by the way. A shot of steroid into the back of the eyeball and the swelling -- and distorted visions -- disappears for 6 to 18 months. (You don't want to know how you get a needle into the BACK of the eyeball.... suffice to say, the shaky-handed doctor grabs your eyeball, rotates the shit out of it until you are staring into your own brain, and then jabs you with the needle... all the while saying comforting things like, "Don't move or you might go blind.")

The shaky hands? When someone had a needle in your eye, that needle can move your eye in even the steadiest of hands.

My favorite was noticing how the needle had a metallic, rainbow pattern.