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Comment by PopeDotNinja | Hacker News Reader

I'm 44 with fewer years of experience as a developer than yourself. I've been through the job hunting meat grinder a couple times in the last year myself. I've been homeless in the past, too. Here's what I have to say:

- therapy is for people who can afford it; don't get hung up on the fact that you can't afford it, and do what you gotta do to keep going

- leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody

- if you suck at interviews, practice interviewing; in my most recent job search, I got a few friends to do mock interviews with me, including explaining why they were asking what they asked

- feel free to reach out to me via email; I was a tech recruiter for several years, and now I'm a senior dev at a company that doesn't suck

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> if you suck at interviews, practice interviewing

You know what's also a great way to practice interviewing? Interviewing for jobs you don't want. Just for practice. Because you already don't want the job, the stakes are low for you, so you can relax and just do the interview.

I agree with you, although it's an expensive way to learn, too. I've gone on job interviews for positions I didn't want before the interview that ended up being quite attractive. The more meaningful prep one can do outside of interviews the better, but to your point, there is no replacement for the real thing.

One other thing worth mentioning is... go where the jobs are. It is easier to practice when there are more interview opportunities available.

if you're just getting rejection letters (or no call backs), "interviewing" at "real" places is kinda hard in the first place.

> leave your personal drama out of the interview, no matter what, because ain't nobody going to want to hire a depressed mopey anybody

I would like to second this. I do this by never showing weakness. Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut.

> Always try to provide solutions and when in self doubt, keep mouth shut.

It's so hard! I want to chat about everything in an interview! But the main point here is that most interviewers are (in my opinion) looking to screen candidates out for pick-a-reason. If you volunteer information that doesn't help you get the job, it can only help you get the boot.

> main point here is that most interviewers are (in my opinion) looking to screen candidates out for pick-a-reason. If you volunteer information that doesn't help you get the job, it can only help you get the boot.

Yes! Exactly this. That’s why I always have a cup of chai tea in my hand. I use it as a filter for when I need to keep my mouth shut or keep my answers short, sweet and to the point. During interviews it’s easy to start rambling and telling too much information.

Great advice. I would add to this -

Better` is quite subjective & varies from situation to situation. People can be better or worse in a lot of attributes when compared to one another.

Being depressed won't help. You really really need to figure out why you're not being selected. Are you asking for too much salary? Applying to the wrong roles? How does your resume look? Have you got some feedback from the interviews that you can work on?

Since your not employed - how do you spend your free time? I would advice working on some side project, open source project, working on your people &communication skills would be good use of the free time.

This ex google guy on youtube talks a lot about software development, engineering, interviews etc. I have found the content quite helpful - https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC4xKdmAXFh4ACyhpiQ_3qBw

There is no switch to "turn off" depression. It's a long process. What has worked for me in the past is connecting to others. Take a class, refresh skills, join an outdoor club, find a meetup, either a programming meetup or even something else. Exercise is a cheap form of anti-depressants.

I have also found finding or hiring a job coach (offering a post hiring fee) to be VERY helpful.

Trying to lift oneself out of a downward spiral is extremely difficult.

It is possible to "turn it off"

As you say, doing new hobbies, meeting people etc. They all trigger the "honeymoon phase". Your body literally creates chemicals that turn off any depression.

The key would be for depressed people to keep changing it up and finding things they like instead of sticking with the same.

The vicious cycle occurs because a depressed person doesn't bother looking for anything, so nothing changes, so they get even more depressed.

Even if they do become self aware enough in order to make a change (as you did), they still have the mindset that "I'm doing this because I am depressed".

This means they are still not enjoying the full experience of life, as they are predisposed to failure.

A depressed person requires a hard emotional trigger to "snap" them out of it, something unexpected, something that invokes basic instincts, something that even their depressed mind can't ignore.

A simple example could be triggering survival instincts invoked by physical pain - this causes the body to take over and force the brain to engage.

The brain is no longer catatonic - it is forced to deal with the issue at hand (survival). There is no room to "be depressed". It's act or die.

This invokes instincts that activate the adrenaline in the system.

After the danger is resolved, the body relaxes and there is relief, adrenaline high. The brain realizes "hey that wasn't so bad". This high is what needs to be exercised again.

This activates the mind to start finding ways to get that high.

TIL: Depressed people need to get their first hit on getting high on life.

I would say you are correct here, but some further clarity would help.

Depression doesn't have an off switch. When you are depressed for a long time your brain starts to rewire into those depressed patterns. So "turning it off" isn't really what's occurring, when you exercise or take medication, if anything its like a pause button. But hitting that pause button regularly can rewire you back to a normal state, but frequently adjusting your brain chemistry isn't enough. Which is why there's a high frequency of relapse with depression treated with medication.

You do correctly point out though that changing the relationship to moods and depression does help. Reorienting how you think about yourself and how you self-identify is critical to not falling backwards into depression mental patterns. The key is to realize that you are not your thoughts or feelings, they are merely an aspect of you and they change as frequently as the weather outside does.

I like the TechLead's channel, too. He can be a little sarcastic at times, which may not be obvious if you only watch one or two of his videos.

Yeah, he is quite saractic :) But he just cuts through all the bs.

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