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Use a decent router on your side and configure it to rate limit slightly below the modems's limits. This avoids ever creating a queue in their boxes. You can run a ping while tweaking your router rate limit settings to find the point where it is just about queuing but not quite, to optimize both throughput and latency.

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Depending on your speed, you may need a bit more than just a decent router. Many routers can't hardware accelerate qos traffic, which will be needed to limit the speed.

My Netgear R7000 can't handle my 400mbps connection using qos throttling. I will need probably at least a mid range Ubiquiti router to handle it.

Ubiquiti routers won't help you; they're even more reliant on hardware acceleration than typical consumer brands, and nobody has put the best modern AQM algorithms into silicon yet. What you really need is a CPU fast enough to perform traffic shaping and AQM in software, which ironically means x86 and Intel are the safest choices.

Well, bufferbloat is at it's worst on slow connections (<100Mbit) and 50 dollars worth of router can fix it there in software.

Only if the firmware implements the algorithms. OpenWRT is your best bet for this: I have it running on a TL-WDR3600 quite well.

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