Comment by hestipod | Hacker News Reader

Comment by hestipod | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

This is me. Bad surgery and a failure of all the supposed support systems to help has ruined my life. Burned nearly everything I earned for my future. I've tried to get out of the US back to Europe where I lived before but the very losses I incurred here in health and financial security keep me from immigrating. The usual responses are victim blaming by nationalists, suggestions to pray from the religious, and "get a job" (ignoring all the health limitations I have explained as if I am making them up) from about everyone else as they deconstruct what THEY would do in their imagination. As if I would choose this life if I had better choices. I'll die in mid 40s because of this and if I was born in an actual first world nation with social systems I wouldn't have to. So add me too the statistics.

You cant take away someone's health, career, life, and leave them in constant pain for years and years, deny them assistance, and then expect them to live like any young/healthy person fighting in the grind for the "right" to pay for life, and then act shocked when they are forced to opt out of life. But if you bring this up to people all they have is the idea of locking you up in a mental hospital and adding more 6-7 figure bills. I want to live. America isn't going to let me. Most days anymore I am resigned to it and glad it will be over...but some I am angry af. The only thing I will miss of this miserable place is my cat, the only good thing in my life, and I cannot even assure her future here as the people I live with aren't responsible and nobody adopts around here. Maybe I will win the lotto before end of year and can move us both abroad.

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I hope you pull it through; there is no version of the future that is better with you gone. I know it's really hard, and I have little advice. Just wanted to tell you I'm rooting for you (and voting to make things hopefully better, but that won't help you directly).

"there is no version of the future that is better with you gone"

While I appreciate you as an individual, the above has objectively been proven false. Throughout this entire thing from the first surgery that took me out, no system or person here who was in a position to stop the "bleeding" and help me rebuild, or provide true safety to live, would do it. There were many people, programs, and moments where it could have turned around and they refused. Nobody here did what the promised, what they should, what was right. It was a series of blame and selfish rewriting of history and THAT is what really depressed me. Only one kind stranger from abroad offered a truly potentially workable situation a while back and my health prevented that from happening at the worst time. So the reality is whether I am here or not in a day, month, or year doesn't matter and won't matter. The ability to assure I would be has been actively denied repeatedly. Proof is in the pudding. I'd joyfully grab any realistic plan and take my cat and live a life...but there isn't one. Nobody chooses this...its forced upon them.

Your experience is probably worse. I had issues getting into school, and likewise, no one who said they cared actually did. It feels like my life was taken from me and given to someone else.

Suffering isn't a competition and you live your own pain. Worse doesn't matter. We should all be there for each other and nobody should be left behind but there are too many selfish people who try and justify that selfishness to make it logical or unavoidable. It's a hard thing to experience when you realize the people and systems and ideas you trusted were lies and that many people live in denial of that for their own mental comforts. It's like a kind finding out there is no Santa Claus x1000.

Did you realise that risk when you emigrated to the United States?

I was born in the USA...lived abroad for a time...had to return to the USA as my health deteriorated as a result of the American surgeries, which resulted in work aspect of European immigration failing, and then fiancee abandoned me right before our marriage so I had no legal way to stay. I never wanted to return to America. My life would never be amazing because of what was done to my health, but it was much better there. Here it's a dead end for sure.

Apologies, I should have phrased that question with a bit more care.

I'm a strong supporter of the socialised health care system we have in the UK - its not perfect, but I think it is notable that the book by the founder of the UK NHS was called In Place of Fear - I personally don't want anyone to suffer the kind of fear that comes with the problems you have had, in fact I'd agree with Bevan that:

"...no society can legitimately call itself civilised if a sick person is denied medical aid because of lack of means"

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aneurin_Bevan

I didn't downvote you if it matters. I agree with you about society, but American culture does not in large. Even the family who has seen this happen to me is still staunchly hard right and against their taxes funding any social programs.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com