I don't even have opportunity to work hard so it's just pointless, though I am from an extremely rural part of a third world.
Ignoring me though, there is something to be said about internet access. You may want to read up on jio and its impact.
https://yourstory.com/2019/10/reliance-jio-quarterly-net-pro...
Just out of curiosity, what do you do with your all your spare time? Is there really nothing you can do with your spare time that'll help you get ahead? Something like education, maybe? Or doing something for your community that'll be valued and gain you some valuable skills or experience?
Also, is there any way you could move somewhere where you feel you have more opportunity or maybe work remotely?
What about making contacts with and impressing people who might be able to give you a chance at work?
Or starting an online business of some sort?
I have been a completely useless shut in for the past 6 months. In August, my PC's motherboards PCI slot stopped working (b350 from Asus). I wasn't and still am not in a position to fix it. I have a 10 year old laptop which barely works for anything even with just debian + i3wm. I can't do much on it except reading. Before that, I used to contribute on GitHub occasionally and code stuff.
I dropped out of high school in the starting of 2019 after well, sudden "accidents". It wasn't a hard decision by then. I had given up on formal education temporary, I focused on getting long due medical help and support. I had to do it all myself again, being burnt already it was pretty hard to carry yourself to doctors and then filter through fraud [0]. There is a major lack of good healthcare where I live, especially related to mental health even by national standards. I experienced a few disappointing appointments which resulted in bit of superstition, horrible shaming and ignorance. I changed and traveled around - got ton of pills prescribed at the end and that's it. Nothing helped much and I gave up on that temporary. I also had other piled up issues including physical health concerns from years of ... Before I actually decided to act last year, I was also cured by religious ramblings and stuff for last 3 years and negligence for past 8 years. There is bit of antisocial behaviour due to my dad locking me up inside house most of the time throughout my childhood and early teens.
Anyways, I tried to move multiple times in the past through boarding school or other ways. My family eh...you know. I had to hop around 7 schools just so I will give up on some ideas and be tired.
I didn't drop out of school plainly out of how horrible that environment is (I was beaten up, shamed and couldn't handle normal interaction because it seemed toxic). You are forced to write notebooks of literal gibberish and then be graded down, punished for actually doing anything right. One example from my IT teacher, I was marked down, vilified and then told to stand outside the class because I asked why she marked me down on a simple question (example of ISPs). She said chrome and firefox are ISPs. This happened too frequently... I don't think I have learnt one single thing from school other than bullshitting and licking to the authority.
I could take it but then I developed servere anxiety, body dysphoria and bipolar. The amount of things to handle increased exponentially.
My family is malfunctioned. Other than providing food and bit of cash, they won't do anything I think or have done so far. They all have problematic backgrounds. My dad especially, after losing his wife and few kids. I think this will spread more light - https://notably.cc/#/note?id=oz9fMjsOa
The environment is pretty shit. Not much expected though. Most people seem obnoxious, highly religious, ignorant and are hostile. Body dysphoria or mental health isn't taken very healthily here...
I am legally not hirable and there aren't any jobs here. I have done some freelance work in the past (still have Bitcoins left in my wallet). After stagnation and lot of koolaid, I looked out for startup opportunity because nothing else made sense and I need-ed money to get any help or even move forward. You can notice it from my first thread here - https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=21853500
I cooked some landing pages, put forms in different places to validate and find market fit. As a recent example, I put a shitty web page for another thing (it's incomplete)(https://ideacrate.xyz).
I had a list of things I wanted to validate (there's many. You wanna join my trello?)-
something to automate invitation creation and sending them via physical or electronic means (there is already YC startup solving one problem - https://www.inkit.com)
Making it easier for developers to start up ad campaign pages and validate their products without having to use a terrible UI builder or go through hoops. MDX + static export with netlify as cdn, stripe integration and custom jsx components.
I thought I could get in good school back later when I have money and had moved to a better place. (There is GED equivalent here, I did fill out form for that.) Basically, get CS or equivalent in future.
Ultimately I am giving up for now on everything even if I want to try something. There's just no way. I don't feel much regret from having to shot down any goals or dreams. I have done that multiple times... Exhausted in every way possible. I don't have any friends since last year (except online ones) and I haven't talked much to my family or anyone really irl.
0] https://www.who.int/hrh/resources/16058health_workforce_Indi...
It seems that you have all sorts of issues in your life that go far beyond your location in a rural, third world area, and probably won't be solved simply by moving somewhere else -- though having some local job opportunities might help.
I fully understand and can relate to what you're going through. One thing I've been recently been getting really interested in that might help those for whom more conventional approaches have failed is psychedelic therapy (particularly with ayahuasca, MDMA, and psylocibin). I'm not sure if any of that is available where you are, but it might be worth looking in to, or maybe in to some kind of shamanic/traditional healing approaches. The other thing I'm not quite sure about is if these approaches would be counterindicated for someone with bipolar disorder. I'd definitely be careful and read as much as possible about anything you might be considering, and only doing these things (should you decide to do them) under well respected and experienced guides.
Something else to consider is adopting a regular meditation practice. That could help deal with stress and many of the struggles you're encountering. Exercise could help too, as it often provides energy and boosts mood.
Also, I think making deep, meaningful connections with people is important. They could help support you emotionally and provide opportunities for you, and you might also be able to help them.
Aiding others and being of service can be very healing and can help with self-esteem and fulfillment. You can make a difference in people's lives, and that can help lead to something and open avenues for you that are unpredictable for you at this point.
I know you said the people in your area don't seem very likeable to you, but there could be some good, interesting people among them, and it could be worth the effort of seeking them out. Also, often appearances can be deceiving, and someone who might seem off-putting at first glance might have more to them, and that hidden depth could be revealed if you got to know them better.
Finally, I know that when we're really down it's very difficult to do anything and we are strongly tempted to just give up. This tendency is made worse by focusing on the negative things in the world and in our lives. I think this is something like a very negative version of self-hypnosis, where we convince ourselves that things are hopeless and getting worse and worse and worse. It's important for us to shift this sort of self-hypnosis in to the opposite direction.. not in a polyannaish, unrealistically optimistic way, but in a way that helps rather than hurts. Try to focus on what you have that you are grateful for, on the positive things in your situation and in yourself, and on the opportunities in the world around you. I wish you the best.
I am still restricted by a lot. I do meditate. Making deep meaningful connections is pretty hard if not impossible now. I haven't done it once even when I wasn't this terrible. How am I supposed to do that now?
Do you know that I hear when you tell me that? Massive, tremendous potential. Almost a volcano of raw potential in front of you. So many things are open to you now, just considering how much time you have left ahead of you (should you not die or become incapacitated, of course).
I'm almost at a loss of what to say, because there are just so many possible ways for your life to go now.
If you really feel cooped-up in the rural area you're in now, you could try moving to an urban area and try to make it there, no matter how difficult it might be. Some people wind up getting stuck in really miserable and dangerous situations doing that, especially if they try to do that when they're young, but others make it.
Really, I would make seeking out and meeting people you resonate with, who you admire and like a top priority. Find people who are your heroes, meet them in person, and get their advice. You might not be able to do that now, but I'd make it a long-term goal. You could also try emailing them or connecting with them through social media. Some people will be glad to help. Also, you could find people adults who are doing good things in your area and talk to them in person and get their advice.
Also find your peers who are on the same wavelength as you.. it's easier than ever to do that now on the internet, but see if you can find them in real-life too.
I know it's hard. I struggle with it too. But you have a huge advantage in that you're still at a formative stage when you actually have a very good chance of changing both your behavior and your outlook on life. It gets much, much, much harder to do that when you get older and you've lived with the same ossified, fossilized bad habits for decades, and you've been shut in in your own room for 20 years or something. Then the inertia becomes terribly hard to break. You hardly have any of that inertia because of how young you are. You can change for the better.
Just, really, try to find good people. Connect. Be open, friendly, helpful. Good things will most likely come of this with time.
I can paste raw data combining my issues and associated risks/success rate. Future suddenly looks bleak from the comparison. Potential is capped more by location, family, genes, qualification, environment etc than age. High school drop outs suffer more on the long run, especially here. Being born in poverty increases your chance of ending in poverty. Those disorders are associated with short term burn, lower life expectancy, less fulfilment, lower income, higher risk of addiction and 6x increased chance of suicide or early death. My other problems certainly lower the bar even more (different forms of abuse and trauma).
If we are being considerate, you would certainly take average as a baseline for your reachable potential. I don't see how that is good at all.
Though, it likely doesn't matter.
> Really, I would make seeking out and meeting people you resonate with, who you admire and like a top priority. Find people who are your heroes, meet them in person, and get their advice. You might not be able to do that now, but I'd make it a long-term goal. You could also try emailing them or connecting with them through social media. Some people will be glad to help. Also, you could find people adults who are doing good things in your area and talk to them in person and get their advice.
I have done that already at least online. I have found some genuine constructive advice like you have added above. I think main issue really comes from facing reality hammer and a terrible exhaustion. Everything needs a positive experience to continue. I lack that spark. Currently, if you asked me what I wished for. You wouldn't get any answer. That is the_root_problem. While extra money is always good and helping, but it doesn't provide big of an incentive to put work at this stage in this form. Other than, I don't really deeply care to want something. Good food? I don't mind bad food at all or lack of it for days. I can certainly live with a blanket without a bed. I don't care if there is a person irl to talk to me either. I have trained myself enough, I can have a conversation with myself using a notebook.
I still feel alright at the end of the day. There is no difference whatsoever except bit more irritation.
I understand things are not right or optimal but changing them is not possible. I feel like I have already lost by solidifying that position. I am guessing, I might change with some sudden external influence or death of someone eventually.
Those are averages and aggregate statistics. They are not a crystal ball in to your future.
Just talking to you here, it's blindingly obvious that you're not the typical high school dropout. You're clearly intelligent, you care about your future, and you've already taken steps to improve yourself. You just need to keep taking such steps and not give up. Don't let your focus get distracted by gloomy statistics. Try to focus on the positive and the steps you need to reach your goals.
Also, with every little step you take towards your goals that has some success, you'll find it a boost to your self confidence and it'll make it that much easier to reach your goals and escape the situation you find yourself in.
> I have done that already at least online. I have found some genuine constructive advice like you have added above. I think main issue really comes from facing reality hammer and a terrible exhaustion. Everything needs a positive experience to continue. I lack that spark. Currently, if you asked me what I wished for. You wouldn't get any answer. That is the_root_problem. While extra money is always good and helping, but it doesn't provide big of an incentive to put work at this stage in this form. Other than, I don't really deeply care to want something.
Yes. I understand, and have been through it myself. It's very common not to know what you want at your age, and even beyond.
The thing is, you don't have to decide on an ultimate goal right now. I'd encourage you to try different things and see how you like them. There have been many famous, successful, fulfilled people who had a long history of trying all sorts of odd jobs and careers before they finally found something that they were really well suited for.
Don't be afraid of trying different things. They can open all sorts of unexpected doors for you, let you meet all sorts of interesting people and mentors, give you new perspectives on the world, give you opportunities to learn something new, and lead you to destinations you could have never have imagined before you started on those paths.
Also, whatever you try doesn't have to be forever. Try it and see how it goes, and if it doesn't work out try something else. In this way you will learn about the world, learn about yourself, and the kinds of things you do or don't like, what motivates you and motivates others, and what you're more suited for.
> Good food? I don't mind bad food at all or lack of it for days. I can certainly live with a blanket without a bed. I don't care if there is a person irl to talk to me either. I have trained myself enough, I can have a conversation with myself using a notebook.
That's good. That tells me you don't need much in terms of material goods, you are resilient, and you are self-sufficient. Those are valuable character traits, and will let you survive difficult conditions that would break more needy people.
But you very likely still have some needs and desires, even if you don't think about them much right now. Most people want to love and be loved, to have deep, meaningful connections with others, to feel understood and appreciated, to do something that makes a difference in something they care about.
I think you have a very, very good chance of achieving all of those and much more. But you definitely, 100% will not if you don't try. Focus on trying. Focus on taking one single positive step forward every day, one step that brings you a little closer to getting yourself out of the negative situation you're in now, a little closer to making deep friendships and meeting interesting people, one step closer to trying something new that could change your life.
Would you like to connect through email since I think I can learn a lot from you and have more questions?
Send me something if you do. (Email in my bio temporary)