Comment by hestipod | Hacker News Reader

Comment by hestipod | Hacker News Reader

Surgery ruined my life and will be the cause of it's end. I was scared into having surgery I didn't need and told if I did not I would be crippled by middle age. Multiple opinions got multiple variations on what should be done but I was too young and inexperienced to know better. It stole everything from me and has caused so much physical and mental pain as I tried to survive it and society and people turned their backs on me. Then when I became the very thing I was told to fear in all ways...and there was no way out...I tried to end my life and even THAT was denied me and now its all worse.

People love to talk about "worth the risk and cost" etc when they have no TRUE idea what the risk and cost are. People love to justify, explain, defend those who do the damage and love to blame, demean, and ignore those who suffer it. Nice little just world package to feel safe and smart. I wish I had never gone to a doctor and I wish I had known the realities of medical mistake frequency and unneeded surgery instead of the whitewashed nonsense that is sold.

Even now...post suicide attempt...the system and people are just proving what I believed was true all along...but being correct doesn't bring me any solace or pain relief.

*I understand it's bad form to complain about voting...but when your life is so painful and full of invalidation by family, society, and "professionals" even a person pushing a button to further invalidate you hurts and just reinforces what you believe about ego and selfishness in others. Being "right" or in control is always more important than others to most people. I just cannot fathom the thinking of kicking someone who is down over their experience or a generalized comment. Even if I disagreed with someone I wouldn't do that.

> a person pushing a button to further invalidate you hurts

The problem with your post is that you have predicated it entirely on your personal experiences, while being unwilling to describe those experiences in detail. You have not told us, for example, what kind of surgery was performed, what the complications were, who "scared" you "into having surgery" (and how), or what the negative effects on your life were, specifically.

You are free to choose not to share this information -- nobody can fairly expect you to share such intimate and painful details. I realize that is very difficult. But without specifics, an account of your personal experiences does not contribute very much to the discussion.

"The problem" is always the victim...never the people doing the victimization. This just reinforces that I said and believe. People don't see others as living, feeling humans. They are means to an end and if they don't "contribute to the discussion" in the way they want then they are invalidated. It's one thing to leave people be, it's another to actively push down irl or with voting. It's saying "you don't matter and what you say and do annoys/bothers/irritates me and I need to demonstrate that". I cannot understand such a selfish mindset. But it's my mistake for continuing to believe people are going to be different. Every psychologist etc I have seen has said that most people never grow past the ego driven, narcissistic child phase of emotional maturity, no matter how "intelligent" or "successful" they appear they just cannot have empathy or care about others as emotional beings like them.

If I laid out details...which I have done many times...those details would be ignored, picked apart, invalidated, twisted...and nothing good happens. Occasionally a good soul reaches out and offers support of some sort...but only once in my life has that ever been actionable and beyond "I understand and that sucks". I know it offends people...and I don't even care anymore...but most people are in it entirely for themselves as I have said. Everything they do and say is for their own emotional and physical need and even their seemingly good actions toward others is self serving. My mistake was believing the few mentors and good examples of loving human beings I have been fortunate to know were not unicorns and were just people I had to get out in the world and find. But unicorns they were/are. I learned after my suicide attempt how even when things are at their worst people will still punch down, betray, lie, abuse, cheat, and step on you for their own needs. They prevent people from opting out of life because that scares and angers them...but they refuse to do whats needed to allow those people in need to survive. They just keep you in a nice smoldering fire because that's best for them. But since I AM a feeling human being I cannot just accept it and suffer the fire...I get upset and lash out and speak out...and it just stokes the flames and I regret it. Cannot win...can only hurt.

>"The problem" is always the victim...never the people doing the victimization.

You are not being victimized. Your post was downvoted. It is not a big deal. Nothing bad happened to you here today.

>if they don't "contribute to the discussion" in the way they want then they are invalidated.

It is a community norm to downvote posts that do not contribute to the discussion. I like that norm. It's one of the reasons I choose to post here. If you don't like that rule, there may be other discussion boards more suited to you.

>If I laid out details...which I have done many times...those details would be ignored, picked apart, invalidated, twisted...and nothing good happens.

If you choose to assume, before you post anything, that you cannot expect the people here to be reasonable, then there is no reason to post here at all. Why would you expect people to believe you when you give no information, given that you do not expect them to believe you if you do give the information?

Nobody can do anything for you if you won't let them.

You cannot even see what you are doing and are proving my point perfectly. You invalidate and minimize what I say. You turn it into something lesser to dismiss. You excuse the things I say bother me. You say it's MY fault there is no help because I am not LETTING that help happen...which is ironically classic and well studied victim blaming.

I am done. I am not going to continue to go back and forth. No matter what I say or do there is reason to interrogate, invalidate, blame. Nothing is every enough for anyone and every answer leads to more questions and more positioning to dismiss. I know you don't agree...don't "believe"...it doesn't matter. For you this is an opportunity to win a debate or show you are smarter or better. That's what people do. My only mistake is beating my head against that same wall of human ego because I am in pain and want to make noise to relieve it.

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