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Comment by ashton314 | Hacker News Reader

I lived in Germany for two years and spent a lot of that time talking to natives, as well as students and refugees from around the world. When I returned home to my native America, I was put off by how over-the-top positive people were.

I get it that when you say “how are you” in America, people are usually not asking how you are actually doing. I think I surprised a few people by telling them about all the things that were going wrong that day.

Does anyone else get wrong-footed by these little niceties too?

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Not really. Pleasantries are common all over the world.

If you've ever spent time in Latin America then you'd know it's rude not to ask anyone how they are before engaging in any sort of conversation. The Middle East (i.e East Asia) has very similar mannerisms.

Engaging in these pleasantries signals I view you as a person rather than you are just a means to an end.

It's the literal equivalent of foreplay before sex.

It's not the performing of pleasantries, but the level at which Americans perform them vs the norm in most of western Europe.

The average level of American "OMG so excited to meet you" is usually reserved for actual celebrities in Europe. When you have seen them talk like that to everyone in the room, the conclusion for the European is that the American is lying about being excited to meet you, which is much more offensive than if they just said "pleased to meet you".

> The average level of American "OMG so excited to meet you" is usually reserved for actual celebrities in Europe

I've been an American all my life, and I've never seen anyone say they were excited to meet someone other than either an actual celebrity or someone who has been significantly talked up in advance to the level of being at a quasi-celebrity level in context (and even in the latter case, “I'm glad to finally meet you”, possibly followed by an explanation of the reason they've been looking forward to it, is much more common than expressions of excitement.)

Honestly, the behavior you seem to be describing is one which would strike most Americans as both unusual and deeply disingenuous.

Things are very different from one part of USA to another, and even from one social group to another. Though I haven't participated in any social situation where "OMG so excited..." is the norm, it is easy to imaging it exists.

my experience (as us-born/bred) is that this exists, but is more a personality trait than anything else. And some personality traits can co-exist among others with the same trait more easily, and that 'so excited' outward expression can often get amplified in a group, but even individuals can be like that. I don't see it as uniquely American, but... it may be somewhat here. By comparison, traveling in Russia, public displays of enthusiasm/positivity/emotion were far less common at all (although in small groups of friends they came out).

> The Middle East (i.e East Asia)

You mean West Asia? East Asia is the Far East; that's the whole point of using the term "the Middle East" for what was originally just "the East".

Yep, my bad.

> I get it that when you say “how are you” in America, people are usually not asking how you are actually doing.

That’s not quite right, it usually is really asking that question, however, the space of acceptable responses (both in range of acceptable tones and maximum level of detail) varies widely based on context and relationship with the questioner. You are usually safe treating it as if it were an empty ritual to which the correct response is “fine, and you?” (unless it is already being echoed back to you), but that's not quite what it is in most situations.

I feel the the kind of "being excited" makes me feel strange

Not saying they are bad, but strange

Feels like a substitute of "the real thing"

Well I don't encounter this often so I can't explain it better

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