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European cafes won't even give you tap water (even if you have bought other stuff) for free, let alone free wifi.

I'm not sure what you're basing this off of, but it's largely not true.

My limited experience of European cafes is:

1. No place would dare to serve you tap water - it is basically considered a health hazard, and many guests would be offended by being offered it.

2. Bottled water is an item on the menu and will cost you money.