The first one, picture perfect. I could feel my body "go to battle" there was this sense of pride and drive. I felt like I was fulfilling a part of my life that was absolutely necessary.
The second one, we failed. Pre-mature by 3 weeks. Bacterial meningitis within 4 days of her being home. She's here with us now but she suffers from global sensory deficits, CP and retardation. It was the polar opposite of my first experience. Pure torture.
The biology of fatherhood is a powerful one, it can give - just as much as it can take. For anyone who's a father out there, without a connection to their child, especially a healthy one. You're missing out. For any fathers out there who have had to endure failure, you are not alone and those children need love too.