The answer is going to be a lengthy dialogue that's personal to you, but I'll give you a bit of a shortcut pointer: you're unhappy, and you want to be told a route that will make you happy in some long term. Acknowledge the unhappiness, and start to work on yourself.
Ideally you'd do that with a professional therapist, if possible, though finding the right therapist is a challenging task in itself. They're not there to give you answers, but to help you frame the question and encourage you to think seriously about it. It's easy to think you have, but instead just wear ruts in your existing thinking patterns.
So I've hopefully given you a new way to think about the question. Start there. Forget about "meaning"; it's a red herring. Ask yourself why you think that red herring is important, and maybe by looking sideways at the question you'll find some answers that are useful. Good luck.