Comment by pxue | Hacker News Reader

Comment by pxue | Hacker News Reader

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I may be a rare case. I have the opposite observation from the OP.

My productivity is off the charts this past year. Between cutting out all forms of small talk, commuting, unplanned meetings, and constant bite size updates.. I'm now finally for the first time totally in control of how I spend my day.

I have more time for work and more time for play. I've realized just how much time we waste on things that doesn't matter.

People say the small interactions are important to build relationships, but I would like to challenge that.

Relationships aren't built on small talk. It's built on teamwork and common goals.

I actually think I'm now closer to the people I work with because we work together in a more streamlined way, update only on the most important things, and when we achieve fantastic results, everyone ends the day on an up note.

> People say the small interactions are important to build relationships, but I would like to challenge that.

In my experience, it depends a lot on the specific situation. Most people need a certain amount of conversation to "calibrate" on how to interpret others' words and actions. Who's a skeptic? Who's a neophile? Who uses sarcasm a lot? Who doesn't get sarcasm? Who expresses disagreement openly and often? Who hides it behind subtler signals, or avoids it altogether? (This one's often cultural BTW; the more diverse the group, the more important this calibration becomes IMX.) "Teamwork and common goals" don't ensure that this calibration will happen.

If it's a group who have already calibrated, you're more likely to get away with avoiding small talk. If you regularly have to interact with members of a broader group who don't already know each other well, things can take a bad turn. Tiny misunderstandings can add friction, and even snowball until people are working at complete cross purposes or are even in open conflict. In 30+ years, 10+ of that working full-time remote, I saw this happen over and over again. Introverts, extroverts, whatever. Nine times out of ten, just a little bit of conversation outside of the by-then-contentious subject areas helped a lot.

I'm not going to say your own experience is less real or important, but I will say it's a bit presumptuous to issue a general challenge or say things like "relationships aren't built on small talk" as an absolute truth. Often, they are.

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