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Comment by Broken_Hippo | Hacker News Reader

I disagree. Many, many relationships end 5 and 10 years into it. People change, and this is even more likely to happen if you met before both of you are 25 and then again in mid life.

Yes, get to know someone before having children. But I'd argue that you should have children with someone that seems like they'll be a good parent even if the relationship is over. Its OK to talk about it upfront, too.

Also, a note about "getting snipped": In some countries (like the US), it is almost impossible for a childless female to get sterilized. "You'll change your mind" "you don't have children, so no" "Why don't we ask your spouse" (these last two happen to men as well). You don't have the right to be sterilized. Other places, you must wait until you are 25, but then everyone - male or female - can get sterilized so long as they can pay for it. So, good luck, poor people.

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> People change

...and they're particularly likely to change under stress, like perhaps the stress of major lifestyle changes associated with raising kids. Child-related constraints on schedules, travel, and finances often stress relationships that were fine for years before. When those kids become more independent and able to advocate for themselves - which is a good and healthy thing - you have the additional stress of a decision process that used to involve two people involving three or more instead. It's just a different world compared to the couple-without-children state. For some it's a breaking point.

For those reading this I would like to offer my own experience.

I was 24 when I got a vasectomy and it was probably the single best decision I ever made. Total cost was $800 (I paid cash) and the total time commitment was approximately 90 minutes. I spent less than 30 minutes on an initial consultation, half of which was scheduling the procedure. Another half hour was spent getting the procedure itself. And finally, you'll want to get a test done to ensure the procedure worked as advertised.

I was never asked 'are you really sure?' or 'what about your spouse?' or 'what if you change your mind?'

Edit - Also, it hurts less than my jaw after a trip to the dentist. More of a mild ache than serious 'pain'

My income is very low. when I finally went in to planned parenthood they had some programs that paid for my vasectomy completely.

If you're curious about getting snipped it is worth a look to see if you qualify.

I wish there was some dashboard or app that you could put your income and other data into and it spits out what government/charity programs you qualify for. I'm sure there are many people out there struggling that qualify for help, but just don't know these programs exist.

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