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Comment by aeone | Hacker News Reader

That seems somewhat overly general and pessimistic. Some of us develop strong support relationships with our colleagues on our teams, which results in conversations and activities that happen well outside of work hours or premises, and lasting friendships that remain strong even years after they've parted ways with the company that brought us together.

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I had this happen exactly once, and that was because we were friends outside of work before we were colleagues at work.

Every other place, all of my "friends" at work, even those I had outside contact with via Facebook or beers, went radio silent when I moved on.

It's not pessimistic, it's reality. Exceptions that prove the rules, etc.

It's the grown-up version of school as a substitute for parents. In grade school, school holds your hand and ideally teaches you how to be functional in society and in groups. In college, the school holds your hand through learning to be an independent adult with freedoms and responsibilities, but shielding you from real consequences: bad grades? Probation. Drugs or alcohol? Deal with the school, not the cops. The office is just another iteration of that: can't meet people on your own? Just come to the office. Can't find meetups despite infinite facebook groups, subreddits, etc? Come to happy hour.

I understand why people like the office, but it's frustrating to be forced to go into the office just because other people aren't able to have a social life without an office holding their hand through it.

Conspiracy Theory time:

Companies know this, and depend on this effect. It keeps most of their employees "loyal" to the company at an incredibly low cost, since our social instincts are doing most of the work for them.

Management training pretty explicitly teaches you how to use your team's ego, desire for respect, need to please others, and need for acceptance and praise to push more work to be done and shape behavior.

I think your own experience isn’t always what others is. I’ve seen lots of people make lasting friendships through meeting at work.

My best friend is someone I met at work 6+ years ago. I’ve got plenty of other people I stay in touch with. Not all relationships need to be everlasting too. Sometimes work relationships are fun and the authenticity is still real. It’s just that now you’re both not working together, you can’t have the same level of a relationship.

Just because things don’t progress once you’re outside the workplace doesn’t mean it’s not real. Sometimes people have different priorities.

I think it takes both parties to maintain a connection. I'm part of several Slack groups with friends and acquaintances from old jobs. We aren't as tight as we were while working together, but we aren't radio silent either.

I've had lifelong friends come from every job I've had. I can name many people from my last 3 jobs that I would want to (and will) get a beer with after the pandemic.

I don't think your experience is representative.

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