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Comment by mojomark | Hacker News Reader

>>>laughter usually communicates something along the lines of “this is playtime—I’m not actually going for your throat.”

Sometimes, when hosting a meeting, I find myself laughing through a sentance when there's really nothing funny at all. I wonder to myself "what the hell was that?".

According to this article, it's probably my subconscious/instinct trying to put the audiance at ease or make the subject matter more "playful" than dry business and communicate that "it's OK to communicate freely - you're not going to be reprimanded".

However, that can also have reverse consequences when people subconsciously over-react and interpret that laugh that you think the subject work is a game and not serious, or that your role is a bit of a joke and they don't have to take you seriously. I will definitely keep this in mind going forward and try to control that awkward trait.

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Coming from the opposite direction, there is a theory of humor that basically says that what humans find funny are things that are not usually ok made ok.

This is also known and the "benign-violation theory"[1]. Things are funny when they should offend or violate (even at some simplistic level) but don't. Someone slips and falls? It can be funny as long as we judge them to be mostly unharmed.

Back into your context, and to reinforce what you said: it's possible you're instinctively trying to communicate that, as dry as the communication is, you're trying to add levity to the subject matter.

[1] https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2018/03/funny-h...

Back at school we learned that the kind of laughter we do because someone slips and falls is because we are happy they are okay (stress relieve) and happy that it wasn’t us. No idea about an official source but it stuck with me ever since.

Yes, humor and laughter is a coping mechanism.

Some people, like my wife, will laugh a bit too often in formal communication, over banal things. If one didn't know better it would sound nervous. But I chalk this up to culture and upbringing. Apparently it's far less common in Germany to laugh after saying things, let alone your own jokes.

It's as you say, some people work hard to ensure everyone else feels at ease.

I've noticed in some cultures people break out into a giant grin when they are nervous or broaching a topic that makes them anxious. When I first encountered during a mild argument about something, I went from mild irritation to offended and demanded why the other person thought it was funny.

I definitely do this, but I had no idea that it makes people uncomfortable. Am from Texas.

I’m trying to rationalize this now... I guess I think of it as tension defusing? Definitely going to be more cognizant of this.

Hmmm, let me explain a little more. I'm from New England and we're generally pretty grim faced and direct in public. It's not good, I wish we were a happier society and I actually like going to places where people are honestly friendly and warm.

But when there is an issue of some kind, or I'm getting frustrated, that's when grins can make the situation worse. Sometimes there is a language barrier and the other party is not sure why there is frustration, and the default smile reaction (because they are nervous or to defuse the situation with a smile) is counterproductive.

Unless you're cackling like our VP I think you're fine.

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