I do not (AFAIK) suffer from ADHD, but having been in therapy for a while for other issues I had a similar concern at one point: I had a bunch of problems I wanted to talk about, I thought my therapist was missing the obvious and following a red herring with her questions. But she mentioned a book on a disorder and I read it: it was like reading a book written just about my personality. I had heard of the disorder, kind of a lot, actually, but it was nothing like what I had inferred. Understanding it better helped break a lot of unproductive cycles of thought.

If you're inclined to not treat your ADHD with drugs, I think that's admirable. But IMO it's important to have a period of time in therapy where you don't hold back and really try to understand everything that's going on with you. There's a great answer to your question in one of my favorite podcasts [1]. The wife in that relationship was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and, similarly: recognized herself in a lot of the symptoms that she didn't actually think were typical of ADHD. She's now on medication (some of the time, I think), but just knowing that was an underlying condition helped her, her husband, and her family manage a lot of relationship problems better.

[1] https://www.nottheworstmarriage.com/episodes/mental-health-a...