Ironically, the most unrelentingly boring and defensive style of soccer is to be on offense most of the game, by maintaining possession and doing nothing with it. I say "ironically" because teams that maintain possession and "build slowly" usually receive credit for aspiring to play beautiful attacking football. When it works, and the offense circulates the ball around in nimble interchanges until they pounce on an almost imperceptible defensive error and pry open successively larger holes by quick intelligent passing until they have a high-percentage shot on goal, it can be sublime. This is how Barcelona played some of the most beautiful football of all time. It is often compared to picking a lock, since this slow, methodical style gives the defense time to sit back and prepare for you, which means you are attacking a defense at its best and most organized.

However, many Barcelona-wannabes aren't as great as Barcelona was, and for them the practical function of maintaining possession and "attacking" is not to score but to prevent the other team from scoring. (Spoiler alert: this is the punch line of the essay.) A team that spends most of the game "on the attack" may produce nothing but boring, sterile, fruitless possession, while their opponents spend relatively less time on offense, but more productively, because when they get the ball they directly attempt to do something with it.

For those who follow MLS, yes, I am an Austin FC fan. Fingers crossed that our new signings add some quality to our attack.