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That’s why people do things like religion—it gives you a way to establish purpose and meaning that is independent of your economic standing or potential.

It sounds like you are being unfair to yourself, perhaps brutally so. Would you consider others of your social class and status abject failures?

That sounds deeply painful. Why choose to keep a constant reminder up? If you're lucky you'll be able to forget about it for a brief instant but it sounds like you have intrusive thoughts that won't let you forget. There's medication for that, among other things, if you so choose.

Recognizing failure is a good thing. Now it really depends how we see failure. I like to see it as opportunity to grow.

The worrying thing here is that you associate a specific failure with your being: "being an abject failure". Ridiculous! You know better. Class and status are just smoke and mirrors.

I sincerely hope you realize that you are not defined by the numbers on some website, will face your challenge head on, grow stronger on every step and most importantly recognize that you are not alone with this.