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Comment by paulirish | Hacker News Reader

You two should go to couples therapy. No joke. The alternative: you let this disagreement remain and be a daily mini-stressor for the rest of your lives.

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Why is it that people are always so quick to suggest (couples) therapy? Is it so unlikely that two adults can work something out between themselves, especially if they are in a marriage? Being married is essentially figuring out these mini conflicts, so you better be good at it. That's not to say that counseling cannot help, but it always seems like such an overreaction. Also: please don't take relationship advice from random strangers :)

Because very often:

1. It's not about the disagreement. It's about what's behind the disagreement.

2. Many people cannot or will not discuss matters amongst themselves. Getting an impartial third-party engaged (and one who doesn't have a stake in future relationship(s) with the disputants) can have a hugely useful "unsticking" function.

Mind, there are many therapists and therapy methods, not all work, and some practitioners are incredibly ineffective.

Totally agree that conflict resolution is a key component of marriage. I suggest couples therapy as it provided me (and others) with a larger toolbox to address conflicts in general. Of course, if a couple can satisfactorily figure things out themselves, then no need! But that's not the picture that OP painted.

Hmmm. That escalated quickly.

Or it could be the thing they joke and laugh about how different they're from each other. Taking extreme absurd examples at each other. Maybe even recording a TikTok video.

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