Comment by neonnoodle | Hacker News Reader

Comment by neonnoodle | Hacker News Reader

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I appreciate this essay and I think your observation is true, broadly speaking. However one thing I find consistently lacking from the “digital minimalism” space is recognition of the things that social media has eliminated or made harder. The pandemic has compounded this problem. It’s not just that using social media for relationships is individually easier—it’s that the network effects eventually make it so that social infrastructure moves online and eliminates non-digital avenues for community. The logistics of IRL meetups are an enormous hurdle compared to instantaneous online communication, so people just…stop doing IRL events. My friends and family lead busy lives and rely on social media to maintain relationships because the alternative social infrastructure simply does not exist. It’s like car ownership—more cars makes city planning revolve around cars, undermines the critical mass for public transit, and makes everything that ISN’T car-based more difficult. It’s not just a matter of personal choice at that point, but of commons.

Similar to sibling comment, but from a slightly older perspective as I approach 40.

It seems that people in my circles just don’t use anything any more, at least that I can see. Most who aren’t really techy or political have abandoned or never adopted Twitter. Facebook gets a few photos of first days of school and vacation. Instagram gets the same but more of it, and occasional food pics.

But it seems that most actual communications isn’t public anymore. It’s all silo’d off into various instant message groups, mostly just over text message. Perhaps it’s just aging out, and not sharing as much or people feeling like their life experiences aren’t worth sharing to broader audiences. Whatever the cause, my Internet experience used to be so much about connecting and communicating with people (almost all of which I knew in person), and these days it’s just a much quieter place.

Though I’ll admit that could just be middle age bias. A lot of priorities change for a lot of people and your 30s can be a slog with the combination of young kids and aging parents.

I know my grandparents used to send a Christmas letter to all their friends and family updating everyone on their life for the previous year, births and deaths, victories and defeats, interesting travels, etc. I’d love to see similar things from the people who I still very much care about even if I don’t get to see them in person much these days.

> Whatever the cause, my Internet experience used to be so much about connecting and communicating with people

Maybe as we get older, we realize that whatever it was we were doing on social media, it wasn't actually connecting with people. Whatever these companies' mission statements say about "building community" and "bringing the world closer together" and "connecting people," it's not actually what their products are doing, and people are finally wising up and realizing this.

I haven't been on social media for probably a decade. I'm no less "connected" to my family or community or events than someone who is on it. It's not really doing what they claim it's doing.

Maybe as we get older, we realize that whatever it was we were doing on social media, it wasn't actually connecting with people.

Before social media you’d sign up to forums and talk to people with similar interests. The smaller communities and purposeful writing was much better. Now it’s just a cesspool of ads and spammers. These platforms are still useful if you highly limit your usage.

I find the best way to use facebook is to join the useful community groups but otherwise do nothing of consequence. Maybe you post a holiday shot of a landscape so your friends in other countries know you’re alive. Otherwise simply don’t engage and sandbox Facebook.

Twitter is fine if you use it more like a news feed. Follow John Carmack or other people with interesting things to say. Again, don’t engage with the platform. It best when smart people send out ideas.

I guess the next space to watch out for is teleconferencing. How long can they provide a free service for personal use?

While there's certainly some truth to what you say, I think it's also very true that social media platforms used to be much more about connecting people. That's how they got their start.

Then they began to be corrupted by the insatiable search for ever-growing revenue.

This is my experience as well, with the difference that almost all my friends are techie. Most have eschewed social media from the start, for the same reason why some airline mechanics don't fly - they know too much about what can go wrong.

We use Signal and text messaging almost exclusively.

Yes, I saw growing older (33 here) that everyone is stopping these because we dont have time :D

As for your grandparents things, dont worry, when you ll worry abt being irrelevant, you'll send the postcards too :)

I wouldn't call instant messaging "social media". I see a fundamental differences between the 1:1 (or 1:n where n isn't that high) bidirectional communications and the 1:world fundamentally one-way principle of Twitter and the likes. Yes I know it happens you get replies but I'd say that's less expected (and less happening). So while you use the one for exchanging infos, you use the other for... advertising? And the latter is less important.

yeh most of my friends or at least people i am interested in following don't post much compared to several years ago. those who do are usually techies or people in sales trying to push their agendas

I really don't think this is true anymore at least in my generation. I'm in my late 20s and my family and friends really don't seem to post much content anymore on social media after graduating college. It's pretty much for consumption of memes and other internet content and could be cut out easily since its a time sink, vs years ago when people were much more active and no one ever followed commercial accounts or people they didn't personally know. These days I just call and text people, way less friction and I have everyone's number I care about.

I'm also in my late 20's, and my core friend group still coordinates via Messenger and FB Events. Much easier to send a mass invite, including people you aren't too close to, when IRL meetups finally do occur. Not to mention the event reminders, and timeline cards that say x is attending y this Saturday for the network effect to do its thing.

Probably just depends on the group. I haven't used facebook events since undergrad for university sponsored events or off campus parties with like 300 people. I've never had a friend set up their own for a smaller event. If there was a birthday party coming up we'd just text people who are in town and see if they are available that weekend or something. We are in our late 20s now and live across the country, and if you can get 6 friends together to make time out of their increasingly complicated lives to hang out on a specific day, you chalk that up to a big win. Curious, how do your friends use events? For things like birthday parties or even informal hanging out?

I agree… in my life iMessage and text threads replaced social media. Facebook is something I check out once in awhile, I only reactivated recently to share some pictures from a wedding and to share some news of a loved one’s death.

Otherwise it sucks. You can’t discuss anything without some rando friend of friends friend butting in with some sort of nonsense. It’s like going to the middle school dance… everyone lurks except for a minority who like to disrupt or like attention.

Yup, the only things I see on facebook other than 90% sponsored posts that creep in even if I don't follow the pages, generally are wedding photos and people dying. It just makes me feel old now. I just log in maybe once every two weeks for no longer than 30 seconds to see if I need to respond to a cat video my aunt or mother might have sent me.

I see a lot of these sentiments that "nobody posts much any more" - is it true that they actually don't post much, or is it just that most people are now aware of online privacy and the long-term risks of public posting? Maybe everyone's posting a heap to their inner circle but nothing publicly?

I only see people post for something like if they or a close relative gets married now to be honest, so it doesn't seem to be a privacy thing but a lack of caring to post so much like one did in highschool. Maybe its just a part of growing up where you stop craving that sort of validation and are more focused on your real world personal life.

I would say this is largely true for myself and my peers, but to older relatives Facebook is conflated with real life and actually keeping in touch.

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