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Comment by wruza | Hacker News Reader

I once made a bet that most people know what a prime number is, being sure that at least for my closest environment of 5-7 highly educated people it is undoubtedly true. A bet was lost after a quick asking round - I’ve got only a couple of confident answers. But what hit me hard was not that the specific term was forgotten, but that most of them were not even familiar with the concept.

Another thing I figured out too late is that after someone (not me) explains a complex topic to a group, everyone seems to agree by silence and ready to get to work on it. But my habit of asking if they understand the terms A and B and how it all works made me discover that essentially nobody gets it. People just don’t ask questions and delay their research for some reason. A thought that maybe they do that all the time in every situation or conversation is pretty discomforting.

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I'm coming to the same conclusion; it blows my mind how people can just run off and confidently implement something vaguely related to what was talked about. People seem very sure about what's supposed to be built, its context, and how. No questions asked. (am I the stupid one for not understanding?) Turns out they just made something up in their head that didn't make sense. As a leader, how does one work with such people? It feels condescending quizzing your team members to verify understanding and I can't spend my time specifying work down to the most minute details.

In a competitive environment it's a strategy to look smarter than your peers. The hope is that they can go and figure out whatever they missed during implementation (often this is not the case, of course).

There's social value in appearing to "get it", and social cost in being the one to ask (especially if others in the group, hearing the explanation, pretend they knew all along).

I'm sure there is a more elegant way of saying this, but I judge people a lot more for coming back 2 days later with a solution to the wrong problem than silly questions asked on the spot.

All of my initial conversations with clients start with me asking them (usually multiple times in different ways) what they’re actually trying to achieve. A large proportion of those conversations end with them saying they have to go figure that out.

A surprising amount of human activity takes place with no clear understanding of the goal.

I just joined a new software team. I had a time where I felt like I couldn't really get a point across to a teammate. Not that he didn't agree, but I just didn't feel understood. Then it happened with someone else. Well, after the seventh time with the fourth person over the third medium, the common denominator became obvious (me).

I think part of the problem is my whole team is honest and direct. They really engage with ideas. Sometimes they'll engage with an idea different than the one I intended to communicate. Because they're really taking the idea on, the misunderstanding will stand out.

Maybe most people don't do that as often. They just nod along and passively agree. Only when it comes to the final decision/action will they fully engage. And if they disagree with that, they'll let you know (maybe) even if they've been uh-huh-ing every supporting argument on the way.

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