Hacker News Reader

Comment by randlet | Hacker News Reader

I'm not sure why, but this feels like an accusatory response and uncharitable take on their statement.

Establishing boundaries like "don't interrupt the person who's working" needs to be a discussion that happens between the whole family. Of course, the caregiver will be responsible for the physical enforcement but the caregiver should understand that it is in the long-term best interest of the whole family that the worker is able to have uninterrupted work time.

Also, by the age of 4 most kids are capable of understanding and learning to respect boundaries.

View on HN

I didn't take it that way. They're just pointing out that it's impossible to set those boundaries with young children. The poster they're replying to has a full time stay-at-home spouse providing for the kids during the day so they don't have to be interrupted, yet they're implying it's something that anyone could easily do. A 4 year old might not be capable of leaving you alone for a solid hour as time seems to pass glacially slow to someone at that age. Telling them to leave you alone for an hour is like telling your wife to leave you alone for 48 hours.

> yet they're implying it's something that anyone could easily do

I don't think they're implying that. In fact they said "It can be impossible if both of you work" which you can extrapolate to "It can be impossible if you're the sole caregiver".

Of course if you are the only person home, you can't expect a 4 year old to let you work uninterrupted for long stretches of time. I don't see anyone trying to argue that point of view though (certainly I would never say that).

Ya, my 3 year old's absolute maximum wait time is however long it takes her to count to 20.

The problem isn’t that by the age of 4 most kids don’t understand boundaries (they totally can and do).

It’s that as a parent it’s hard not to just have some part of your brain constantly scanning for any sign of your 4 year old trying to get themselves hurt or break something (as 4 year olds naturally do).

In other words, the boundary crossing is done by the adult and is really hard to turn off if you have any interest in your kid staying safe, fed, and entertained throughout the day.

I don't really understand this POV. If you have a trusted partner looking after your child, then the situation should be (at worst) no different than if your child was away at school or daycare right?

Fair point, and I agree. Missed that part of your comment above.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com