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Comment by addsubtract | Hacker News Reader

I think the idea that all people figure things out on their own and will escape a life of freedom or hedonism because “its empty and hollow” have never experienced drug addiction. Agassi might have made it out but a lot of people don’t. In a lot of ways I feel the opposite of this article. I rebelled against discipline throughout my teenage years and later came to appreciate my parents and teachers efforts way more. I wish I had stuck with instruments or tried harder in my math classes. Life is hard work and building the skill of discipline when it comes to life long learning is invaluable and fulfilling.

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It should be easier for people to say “I no longer feel like I have free will” and also “I now feel like I have free will again” so that others can take care of them, but also in a way that won’t take away their rights. I also think people who help people who are close to rock bottom often put a lot of skin in the game, and not always but sometimes can get hurt in the process- they should have protection too.

Depressive hedonism is powerful.. The death drive is like playing a tit-for-tat strategy against one’s own lebenswelt. I hope people don’t take me as being dismissive or insensitive or ignoring the contributions of biophysics to drug dependency etiology, but from a free will frame of analysis it resembles a kind of very dark and very negative discipline itself.

Imagine if it were just a thing that people could get help with as unshamefully as eg going to the dentist.

I live in tandem with a nihilistic part of myself, the blackpilled part of me. It likes to secretly collect evidence for why it should be dominant. When it has been in control is when I have felt the freest, the most authentic.

What's more, it is so developed that I can name it. I don't know the name of what society wants me to be. Domesticated citizen? Good boy? Effectless stranger?

I have a project in my head of outlining my "core beliefs": "Better living through chemistry", "All knowledge is accessible through language", "Brains over brawn", etc. The shadow part of me slips things in: "If God exists, God is evil", "Life is meaningless", "Humans are untrustworthy", etc.

If I could go to a doctor and point at some part of my brain, or at some chemical imbalance, it would be amazing. As it stands, I feel like each of our personal psychological maintenance entails us little individual people picking up boulders and moving them to other parts of the neurochemical pit. Sometimes we get help with big machines like lithium or whatever. It just feels like we're still in the dark ages of human neurochemistry, and we can't help piling on more confounding variables.

Anyways, I just wanted to share. I don't have any answers. Or at least, the moment's struggle with my shadow occludes them.

Don't do anything. Remain who you are. You are not a cog built for a purpose.

Thank you. That was actually exhilarating to read.

It's better when you find something you enjoy. Some people don't enjoy what is traditionally presented to them via standard education and upbringing. But if you can branch out, and find something that tickles or scratches that itch. Oh boy.. applying discipline comes a lot easier and is rewarding.

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