firstly, i want to say that i really appreciate your candor. for you all to share those personal stories with me, a stranger on the internet who lurks on a website, is very generous and appreciated.
secondly, much of the advice seems to center around the idea that there is nothing wrong with me; this is a strange and chaotic time for me, there is no by-the-book response. to quote user ss48: << "There is no 'normal' way to feel about a calamity because it is so out-of-place from everything else, and everybody copes differently and expresses it differently, at different times."
thank you. i believe this is what many of the lessons were also trying to get across. i don't know that i'll ever feel differently, but with some more time between the situation and me, i am starting to at least look at those feelings differently.
i hope in the coming years i can bounce back as you all have and return the favor to someone else.