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> first being specific about what we agree upon.

Or even just trying to define the goal you are trying to accomplish. I've seen many disagreements on software projects because people's definition are completely different. The arguments are just a symptom of a deeper problem that no amount of careful discussions are going to fix.

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It is very valuable to be able to spot differences in definitions, so you can address them before moving on. If you feel like you are talking past eachother, that might be the issue causing it.

I have been accused of being dim for not understanding a common word. Or alternatively of intentionally playing dumb.

Then I layout out six reasonable definitions for the word that could fit this context. Then I am accused of making other people feel dumb. Unless it's my wife, who simply claims, "You know what I meant." :)

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