Comment by axegon_ | Hacker News Reader

Comment by axegon_ | Hacker News Reader

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I'm 33 and I'm in a very similar boat. Actually exactly the same to be completely honest. Several things have helped me cope with those thoughts. First one was force myself not to think about it. Whatever spare time I have, fill it up with something and avoid just sitting/laying down and contemplating. Books, walks, exercising, movies, stupid youtube videos, anything but giving myself the opportunity to think about it. Second one is getting yourself into new hobbies, which is extremely easy. I've never been a car guy or anything but cars generally interest me, so I started following Formula 1 closely. Got myself a 3D printer and started studying 3D modeling. Microcontrollers, sensors and small devices are dirt cheap and making small devices is extremely rewarding. And last but certainly not least, when the pandemic started I got myself a dog to keep me company. A fairly large one and a breed that is notorious for being extremely smart and having an infinite amount of energy. I definitely underestimated both of those things but it has helped me massively.

33 (and 35) is young, please don't think you're over the hill. I'm 38 and I still feel I'm just starting out & there's a lot to look forward to (I'll bet having little kids is a big part of why I feel that way).

Like the above it sounds like a lot of it might be loneliness? I'm not saying it expecting it to be something easy to rectify but if it is the cause it is indeed possible to become less lonely. I dare say it will give you more happiness than a lot of success in your career.

Nah, in all fairness I'm perfectly content in that aspect-no such expectations or desires. I have plenty of bad examples - observations and personal experiences: in a nutshell, my life is similar to an early 2000's hypercar - looks great on the outside and desirable from afar, but in reality impractical, useless in the real world uncomfortable and deadly in most scenarios. My bad qualities include extreme nihilism, cynicism, irony and sarcasm and extremely low tolerance for anything that doesn't suit me. Selling points - financial status and abs. The latter is offered by most people at the next door gym which leaves us with the financial aspect, so... Yeah... Pass.

Relationships are not transactional like that, you don't have to have a USP to get a romantic partner. You are probably selling yourself short and there are a lot of people who could love you (and that you could love).

Perhaps, whether it's been personal experience or simply as an external observer(and as much as friends and family would hate me for saying this), relationships have been nothing but transactional and manifestations of some form of co-dependency.

> You are probably selling yourself short and there are a lot of people who could love you (and that you could love).

Maybe, maybe not, not caring appears to take considerably less effort.

Thanks for posting. My approach as been very similar to yours, especially not sitting around contemplating it.

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