“Equality” is a tricky concept, and various branches of mathematics have slightly different ideas (or axioms) of equality. Simple arithmetic is based upon strict equality: two things are equal if and only if a sequence of logical steps are followed precisely and the final answer matches exactly. Other branches have looser (or just different) versions of equality: set theory may use a relation to induce an equivalence relation, topology may see things as equal based on structure preserving transformations, computer science has notions of program equivalence based on identical outputs given identical inputs, etc.
Category theory is an attempt to identify and unify various similar concepts across mathematical branches, including “equality”. Category theorists are limited to talking about objects (which are opaque), and arrows between those objects. Using those (incredibly) abstract tools, how does one define “equality”? The answer is, one can’t, so what are the closest things possible that capture “equality”, and can be specialized back into more traditional notions as needed.
Part of the confusion is that category theory is described from the “arrows and objects” perspective, when the really interesting stuff happens two layers higher (natural transformations and above). And another part of the confusion is that many mathematicians see category theory as needless nonsense :)