A few inaccuracies here, but one thing that's hilariously wrong:
> Even if you don't, hope you like some dude staring at your dick a couple times a year as you pee in a cup to keep your job.
That's for the military. Civil service gets to go into a stall and shut the door. Also, unless you've got a TS clearance, you can go years between drug tests. Even with a TS, it's very random, some people getting tested nearly monthly, and others every 2-3 years.