Comment by throwmeawayapr | Hacker News Reader

Comment by throwmeawayapr | Hacker News Reader

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Thanks for the responses. I guess I very much needed kick in the back. I am old enough to know that hindsight is easy and there is no point agonizing over the past. It’s too hard to put in the practice though. My real life friends have also told me that my identity revolves around my job. I realize it. E.g. Someone mentioned in this thread that they would hate to work with me. Even though it was a random internet comment talking to my throwaway handle, that comment hurt me. I do my best job irrespective of whether I like it or not. I take pride in doing good work. If I get paid top dollar, my employer gets his moneys worth. I guess I have to reframe my mindset and decouple my identity.

While getting a promotion is partly related to seeking validation through status/title, it’s not all that. I feel that at 45 I have limited time in the workforce to make an impact. I will probably work 10 more years before getting exhausted and calling it a day. Getting into management can put me in a place where I can help people grow in their career. I can make changes in management to make my teams life a bit easier. I never had a mentor or guide to bounce off my ideas about life or career. May be I could be that sounding board for my team.

Hey, I’m sorry you have to read comments like that. That was a dickish thing to say. You were open and honest about your feelings (in this case, that you were more diligent and intelligent than your coworker and yet made the wrong choice and ended up ‘falling behind’ them). It’s a shame that even in an anonymous forum people are so obsessed with self-filtering and coming across precisely correct, not too confident and not too self-effacing, that they end up punishing someone just for candidly articulating what’s going through their mind.

Don’t let it get you down. Think about all the opinions you’ve had about internet strangers, how little information they were based on, how unlikely it was that they were correct, much less represented the totality of who that person is. Imagine someone actually adjusting their self-image by the opinion of someone whose only knowledge of them is two paragraphs of text. That’s mad. I know we’re inclined to believe criticism more than praise, but I really hope you can focus on the positives and the helpful comments from this thread, and find a happier way of living. I wish you way more than luck.

Just wanted to offer: you're not alone. Your story is pretty much exactly the same[1] as mine, down to the titles/roles and your general age. I've concluded that switching back to Eng is not the way: You'll be starting from zero again. Not sure the answer on how to get into management and start growing again, it's been a bunch of doors closed in my face so far, too. It's a chicken-or-egg problem: You won't be hired or promoted as a manager unless you've managed before. Frustrating to say the least.

https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31208950

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