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Comment by donw | Hacker News Reader

Thank you.

The top-level article is unbelievably crass.

I have had to deal with this. Sorting through an entire lifetime's worth of knick-knacks, papers, Christmas cards, plaques commemorating achievements and milestones that probably wouldn't even make sense to a twenty-year-old, all of it.

Sure, it was hard. It takes time.

But so did changing my diapers. And dealing with infant-me crying through the night. And watching toddler-me be picky and waste food, which is a big deal when you get most of your groceries from a charity. All the scrounging and saving for Christmas presents, all the hours spent answering every question that I had as a boy, all the trips together to play in the snow during the winter...

Those things took time, too.

That sounds like a square deal to me.

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Hell, no.

What's unbelievably crass is the idea that children are obliged to respect and sift through gigantic heaps of stuff just because their parents had some emotional connection to some small parts of it - because most of it is guaranteed to be absolutely useless junk they did not actually value but merely couldn't bring themselves to throw away because of hoarding instincts.

The idea that this obligation is some kind of way to repay for what the parents did for the children is completely absurd and idiotic. It does nothing for your parents.

If you want to repay them, spend time with them. Do something for them which they actually experience.

When your parents are dead, sorting through their stuff out of a sense of obligation is basically self-castigating for your failure to do the above. Sure, if you enjoy it, if it helps you deal with the loss, do it. But not because you feel you have to.

> The idea that this obligation is some kind of way to repay for what the parents did for the children is completely absurd and idiotic. It does nothing for your parents.

Thank you for saying this. I can't believe the points people are making here. Your parents are already dead at this point. Of course it does nothing for them. Taking care of them while they're still alive does something for them, but once they're dead nothing can ever affect them again.

I think the 'what is being done for the old parents' is them not having to confront and part with their stuff while they're old but alive. By doing this after they have passed, they get to bypass this possibly mentally taxing task. The value add is debatable. I personally love to get rid of stuff, so it's hard for me to imagine how much of a burden it is. But the point makes sense.

You don't have to sort any of it. You just have to not make them sort it. You can just pay to have it hauled if you don't want it. Or sell the property as is or forfeit the property to the state.

In many cases the sorting and disposal is necessary because your parent(s) can no longer maintain their dwelling or live independently.

> The top-level article is unbelievably crass.

I think it's written as an ad for junk removal services. The goal is for the reader to see the task as an overwhelming burden to be outsourced.

My mother told me she brought me into the world to experience joy, not her bullsht.

When she died she left one small box and $90k. We did not have to do a thing.

Grounded and polite. Love it.

I have to say, you described my mother perfectly. I was the last of five to go to college. I came home for Thanksgiving my freshman year and she said; "I am glad you were not like the others, calling me and writing me all the time. I raised you kids to go off in the world like I did."

Having done both sides I'd say the kids are getting the better deal :-) Palliative care for a parent is draining and can take years but it utterly pales compared to how much effort raising kids is. Doing both at the same time is not recommended!

Kids are far far more fun.

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