We've been able to go out for a couple years now, but I remember those early days. Everyone offers to watch the kids, but nobody actually says yes when the time comes. They're always busy.
Be sure to jerryrig at-home dates after the kid goes to bed. Sit on the patio with some wine or whatever, and a baby monitor. Something is better than nothing, so you and your spouse don't feel like roommates more than partners.
Meanwhile in my wife’s native country anyone with a job can afford a full time nanny. Sadly this is because people are living in near poverty, but a nanny in the US is a $70k/year or more scenario. So I am tempted to move and participate in the broken system and make myself feel better by overpaying 100%.
Here are some ways to find a trusted sitter: Ask for referrals from your local parent group Ask for referrals from professors at your local college/university Actors can be wonderful babysitters. They are somewhat overqualified and need Hire from your local afterschool program Hire one of your daycare teachers Search care.com and sittercity for works like Montessori and Waldorf. You can find trained sitters there. Consider a service like Safesitter that certifies babysitters
In order to establish trust with your child, pay them to have a playdate with you and your child present so you can get to know them.
Family life doesn’t seem as “close” as it once was.
Kids can't play outside because parents don't allow them to. Single childs were traditionally more protected once they are naturally considered more "precious" and they are slowly becoming the norm. Large family's kids still play outside specially the ones from poor families.
Maye we are just outliers but I don't think the reason is necessarily cars.
We also set their iPhones with a green "Uber" iOS Shortcut button that they can press and it will auto-text us a "Pick me up", along with the address and lat/lng of their location.
We have another red "SOS" button that does the same and triggers a different response.
With regards to grandparents opting out of childcare: Wow. I'm really sorry to hear that your parents (I'm assuming that's what you mean by the previous generation) isn't willing to participate. This is actually the first time that I've heard this trend, so I'm surprised and troubled you've heard it from others. In the past, I tended to diagnose this problem as one of nuclear families moving away from grandparents, cousins and uncles (as it doesn't seem to be an issue for friends of mine in countries such as Iran where families live closer together, even if both parents are working). I'm curious to know why the grandparents aren't helping. Is it lack of desire? Is it because they are still working and don't have time/energy to help with the kids? Is it because they had to pay for babysitters and expect you to do the same? I'm really curious to learn more about this if you or any of your friends would be open to a chat.
With regards to separation anxiety: It also sounds that your daughter is feeling, very naturally, attached and not wanting you to leave for a few hours, which can be really hard. In the past, I really encourage parents to prioritize self-care for the well-being of their child. It can be hard to see a young child cry and complain, but remember that by taking a few hours for dinner to strengthen your relationship with your partner, you are being incredibly kind to your child (by keeping the relationship that supports her safe). Even if a child cries and complains, I suggest that parents explain in very vivid detail why this going out is the best for their well being. You can honor her feelings of sadness at the separation and share your own feelings of being sad that you'll be apart - and then leave. Boundaries are love. Adele Faber wrote a phenomenal book called "How to Talk so Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk." I think it is hands down the best book on compassionately communicating boundaries to children.
With regards to finances: I'm reading this into it since you'd prefer to have your parents help rather than pay someone, have you considered a child care share? I've heard from many families that participating in a babysitting co-op or care share has been one of the most rich and rewarding experiences of their life. I've written quite a bit about childcare shares but your post and some requests from friends have inspired me to write a new blog about this topic.
-Desire to travel (or accomplish whatever their retirement plans are) before they are too old. -Just like we don't really know how to parent, they don't know how to parent. -Parenting has become polarized with (mis-)information overload manifesting in disagreement between parents and grandparents. -...
I think most parents know how to parent and teach better than they'd realize. Parents are so disempowered. They are shoved out of education and told they can't teach because they are not trained teachers.
They are constantly judged and told how to parent then others, so they no longer trust themselves and their instincts.
Sad about the arguments around how to parent caused by misinformation or information overload.
On the flip side though, now that my kids are approaching child-rearing ages, both of us (spouse and I) can't wait to babysit and spend time with the grandkids when they come - we are already jealous that the in-laws might get them more than we do.