I didn’t “grapple with the issue”. I had a panic attack and flashbacks. I dreaded the next session for two weeks.
Vampires are unique in having a single failed throw causing a character to permanently lose their agency and be under the direct mental control of a NPC. In this case, I was told to attack the rest of the party.
I had a psychotic break where this exact thing happened to me. I got to watch myself hurt people I cared about. There are very close relationships that were destroyed. Some I will never be able to repair.
Should I have said something? Yes. But I didn’t want to kicked out of the game.
As far as being more resilient, I’m not. If I had known vampires could do that, I would have been fine. Now? If this happens to a character in another game, I will have to leave the game. Retconning wouldn’t help.
I’ll heal in time. Might take a few months, but it may take years before I handle the situation again.