This is also one of those things were the "pressures" are self-created. People in restaurants certainly aren't shocked if you go in there by yourself.
I wonder if they've discovered the joys of going to movie theaters alone, too?
The only time people will go out of their way to be cruel about such things is in school, which leads me to suspect the author might have had a rough time.
It's a surprise to me seeing this offered as a comfort, since I think it would be slightly mortifying to most people in the subset you're addressing.
Every once in awhile though I’ll mix it up and get similar reactions.
This realization helped me a lot with social anxiety. For a long time I believed that everybody was watching and judging me. This made it very hard to go out and do things. It was a relief to be able to let go of this belief.
But as I got older, I realized that I don't care at all what other people think about whether I'm eating alone or not, what I order, how fast I eat, etc etc. As long as no one is harmed, I just do what I want, and if other people don't like it, fuck 'em.
But this perspective comes with age.
Absolutely. I regret how much of my teens and early 20s I missed out on because of caring what other people think. But I guess it's rather normal. I guess that also explains the whole 'old naked guy in the shower room' trope...the older you get, the less you care.
Regardless, I'm trying to instill this in my 10 year old's head, but it's probably fruitless. She asks 'dont you feel embarrassed' when I go out in public with a grease stain, or messed up hair, or my trusty crocs.
I suppose I'm stating the obvious, but I had a very noticeable youth bias when I was in college and into my early 20's and really needed to be shaken out of it.
For some reason I've never had this issue at diners though. It's always a joy to eat alone at 6 am in a diner, no matter how many other parties are there. I don't know how that environment tricks my brain into feeling comfortable. Bars, too. I guess there is a popular image of lone patrons in these settings, and it makes one feel less conspicuous.
But bars and diners are often “working” food and so you’ll see people alone all the time.
Let sinergy of cold hard facts (aka rationality) and emotions drive your life. You will make best decisions like that, and they will stand the test of time. Also this way you dont end up easily as an arrogant ahole who just doesnt think about any consequenced.
Just do it may not be enough if you are not there yet, but once you are, you will understand why its true. Or life is too short to XYZ, or whatever else clicks with you.
Alone, you're just paying $9 for a $2 beer.
> When I went to college I discovered that I harbored a serious aversion to eating alone in public.
So the answer to this remark:
> It can also be as simple as eating, seated in a restaurant, by yourself. Why make it more complicated or ritual-worthy than that?
is that "because it's not simple for them".
There's generally no objective reason for someone to have the aversion besides their own self-created mental barriers. In which case the solution quite practically is "get over yourself and try it". If the person's social anxiety is high enough that such advise is poor and inactionable they probably should be working with therapy and not writing general advise blogs.
Back to the primary subject though, it seems our author even recognizes this:
>But with practice, I’m starting to become more comfortable with dining alone and even enjoy it. It has its own charms, and I think everyone should do it once in a while.
So it does seem quite literally that simple. Even to our author.
Why not?
What's so bad about complexity or ritual? It's the author's choice whether or not to do it. They aren't demanding that you do, nor are they even demanding that you read about their personal choice to do so.