Hacker News Reader

Comment by markus_zhang | Hacker News Reader

Man I read and I feel I want to turn my face away from it. But I know your words ring true in my heart and that's probably why I never feel comfortable for long even as I threw bone after bone to myself.

TBH I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm kinda split and need time to think it through. Looks like it's either A or B because of limited energy.

View on HN

I was going to leave a harsh comment hoping that the "tough love" sort of approach might help to get you thinking straight but I've decided against it since we don't know each other and everyone's situation is different.

I'll just say that you need to "man up". Life is not always fun/nice/enjoyable/easy/etc. and sometimes you just have to realize that your responsibilities are more important than your feelings; especially when children are involved.

Just know that what you're feeling is normal, it WILL pass (probably in a couple of short years), and you should resist doing anything stupid or permanent. Don't make mistakes with permanent consequences because you are going through a temporary rut.

Exercise and socializing will likely help take the edge off.

You have the good half of your life ahead of you, don't forget that.

If you still need convincing, maybe a therapist is the right choice.

Good luck friend.

Thanks. No hard feeling TBH. Actually my wife told me to man-up a few times and I know that I have always been a big kid all my life.

It's just difficult to get rid of that personality and move into a new one.

> I know that I have always been a big kid all my life

Same.

You don't have to become a different person, just get yourself through the rut, don't do something you know you'll regret. This is just a passing phase.

I’m rooting for you :)

I don't know your situation enough to add much. I can only talk to myself. Walking away is forever. When you are sick and alone. When you want to share memories about the restaurant you used to go to. About so many shared moments. Divorce is called one of the small deaths for a reason. It is a death, of everything that was, and of all future hopes and dreams that existed in that relationship. Forever gone. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRcaSIMxfYg

What you feel EVERYONE does. Realize this isn't unique to your situation, or that some other 'ideal' situation you dream about will be any different. You aren't going to feel 100% happy with your situation, ever. It's ok to buy a lottery ticket and fantasize about some unrealistic perfect life. It's probably not OK to quit putting in time and your job because your lottery fantasy seems better/easier.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-mlfefNP8cw

https://www.theatlantic.com/sexes/archive/2012/12/the-truth-...

Thanks. I did think about quitting a few times but realized it was mostly frustration of other things that bring about that. It's a hell lot easier for me to blame the family than blaming myself when I failed to achieve something I wanted.

Take a very long cold shower and your survival Instinct will tell you what to do.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com