Most of these are extremely hit and miss, and a lot of people have no interest in being hit on while trying to do their job or work out.
Dating sites/apps absolutely fill a need— you can argue that that need only exists because of systemic issues in how modern society works, but it's possible to tackle that in parallel to adopting a non-judgmental attitude toward those using the best tools available within the system we do currently have.
Meeting through friends is probably the safest, as that at least gives you some safety that you arent meeting up with someone completely nuts.
Personally I met my date through a bar though.
> unless you decide to meet up right away, the other party immediately loses interest.
I think you're contradicting yourself, and making an objective statement from your subjective experience.
Dating apps are best used to setup actual physical dates. They're the digital equivalent of making eye contact at a bar or party, and giving a stranger your contact information. All the while eliminating the uncertainty of whether the other person is even interested, based on initial physical appearance and whatever they decided to share in their profile.
> Meeting through friends is probably the safest
Sure, but that's always been the case. It's always been risky going on a date with a stranger, or a blind date. Dating apps make the blind date a bit safer, while substantially opening up the possible dating pool to beyond just via friends.
Are they predatory, full of dark patterns and exploit lonely men? Absolutely. But I'd still argue they're better than meeting a random person at the bar, evidenced by many people who do find suitable short or even long-term partners on them.
How does the geographical aspect work? Are you mobile enough that you don't mind meeting a person that's a flight away? Or is it primarily online communities that are already geo-bound, like discords/reddits for particular cities?
Yeah, it's a shitty environment, and it's very much a numbers game (especially for hetero guys), but again -- you're coming from an extremely judgmental place.
A female friend of mine took some very expensive online dating class run by a former data scientist from one of these apps and she started her own side business fixing mens profiles. I was very skeptical at first but I have several friends who’ve used her. Each of them went from basically no success at all to getting dates every week.
The good news is while there’s probably nothing you can do to make it a truly enjoyable experience, online dating can work quite well largely because the competition is so poor. Ever watch a female friend swipe? It’s amazing how bad most men are at this.
So your #1 goal with a profile is to use the pictures to tell a story that challenges these preconceptions. For example:
- Overall, favour photos that other people took of you over selfies (communication: I have good people in my life and am not looking for a support system)
- A picture of you being domestic, like cuddling your pet, cooking, or even cleaning (communication: I have my shit together, can take care of myself, and am not looking for a substitute mom)
- A picture of you doing something active that you love (communication: I already have interesting passions and will have worthwhile things to talk about)
- A picture of you giving a presentation (communication: I'm a leader, people listen to me when I speak)
- A picture of you in a suit at an event (communication: I clean up nice, I get invited to fancy parties)
- A picture of you in an exotic location (communication: I travel and have varied experiences)
But the main thing is that the pictures tell a story far more than the words do, so use the pictures. Don't make the words a bland list of assertions about your personality, instead use that space to tell a joke or give a conversation prompt.
And then there's a few sort of obvious turn-offs to avoid, like the shirtless bathroom selfie, the fish pic, the pic with your ex, the joke that you're willing to lie about how you met. All of that just makes you blend in with the crowd rather than stand out.
Well, yeah. You should meet up right away. What else you gonna do? Flirt over text for weeks?
Most of my first dates have been enjoyable, even if I didn't see the person again. It's just pleasant casual conversation with a stranger.
I've only ever had one really bad first date, but now the story is quite entertaining. I had her meet me at a concert I was attending with friends. She spent the evening alternately hitting on my friends and crying in the corner. To be fair, I didn't have high expectations for that date anyway which is why I tried to fold it into something I was already doing.
Not in my limited experience browsing the 30-40 range in my area. There are a handful of profiles where it's clearly an ENM couple looking for playmates, but almost all the rest have the exhausted-sounding language of "serious only please", "no hookups/nsa", "please don't be a weirdo/cheater", "please have your shit together", etc.
> ... and the apps heavily paywall males. They are cancer.
Yes, absolutely. The current state of affairs sucks for everyone. But I'm not sure if meeting people at a bar is necessarily any guarantee of finding someone who isn't "completely nuts".
Which is notoriously one of the strongest indicators of a woman who's looking for hookups/nsa.
It should be focused on getting together groups of friends of friends for parties instead.
Huh? Before dating apps, you would do things like go to the mall, and look for cute girls in the food court to start a conversation with. We were absolutely approaching strangers to ask out. Did you not date in the late 90s (or even earlier)?
Keep this gatekeeping nonsense to yourself. I met my wife of many years on a dating app. We probably never would have met by chance.
Weakness?
Meant by whom - you? The form of this argument could be extended in any number of equally ludicrous directions where things were previously one way and now they are another, e.g. “Forget airplanes, walk like you are meant to.”
Furries have been doing it like this for years and it works very well. I met my wife in a chatroom dedicated to making fun of people that misinterpret Hegel.