Wow, how bad was the code before you made it "too awesome" in your latest update? Sounds like you need some new programmers and three new DBAs.
We admittedly cut a lot of corners in order to get launched in two months with only two people. So far, it's been worth the gamble.
See here: http://wiki.lessthandot.com/index.php/Don't_Use_(select_*),_but_List_Columns