>So my views are hopelessly uninformed opinions
In a sense, Yes; because you are the one who made blanket statements like "OO was just a failed paradigm anyway," which is objectively wrong.
To elaborate on my comments, almost every language since the 80's has had very good support for OOP. Almost all reusable libraries/frameworks (especially GUIs) also are implemented using the OOP paradigm so much so that nowadays the kids don't even know of a world before "Objects". The success of OOD/OOP in the industry is self-evident.
If certain aspects of OOD/OOP have to be used carefully (eg. Implementation Inheritance) and how abuse of OOP (eg. everything is an Object) can make a mess of things, then that can be debated, but to dismiss the whole of OOD/OOP is just plain silly.
Coming to your "appeal to authority", let me clarify the nuances in their writings/quotes.
Linus Torvalds: His objection is not to OOP per-se (indeed the Linux Kernel uses a lot of OO patterns itself; see the articles by Neil Brown on lwn.net; links in my past comments) but certain aspects of it and in particular; to the C++ implementation of those. These are valid for his Kernel but not for others.
Joe Armstrong: His focus was on "Concurrency Oriented Programming with no Shared State". From that pov his design of Erlang "Processes" is exactly as Alan Kay envisioned OOP. Here is Armstrong himself: https://elixirforum.com/t/the-oop-concept-according-to-erlan... More here: https://stackoverflow.com/questions/3431509/is-erlang-object...
Alexander Stepanov: His background is in Mathematics and hence he looks at Programming from the pov of Abstract Algebra. His issue is with straitjacketing "Interface Inheritance" within a single type hierarchy whereas logically a subtype can span multiple hierarchies. This is also the reason Bertrand Meyer called "Multiple Inheritance" indispensable.
Eric Lippert: Your listed quote doesn't make sense, i am almost sure he was saying it "tongue-in-cheek" to draw attention to the fact that dysfunctional OO codebases are similar to dysfunctional organizations. It is not a value judgement on OOD/OOP.
In summary; OOD/OOP is a way of structuring Procedural/Imperative programming where global state is partitioned into smaller pieces along with their transformers which helps you manage Modularization, Types, Type hierarchies, Modeling real world "Objects", Reusability, Extensibility and Maintenance.