Hacker News Reader

Hacker News

Comment by thegrimmest | Hacker News Reader

Parent Full thread

thegrimmest

[flagged]

View on HN

Please don't post flamewar provocations to HN and please avoid generational flamewar here in particular.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

> Eschew flamebait. Avoid generic tangents. Omit internet tropes.

Hi dang, sorry I'm not trying to flame anyone. I'm just questioning a cultural norm that is far from universal in a story that is highly relevant.

I believe you! but we need you to understand how such a comment comes across that way anyway. Basically, we have to go not by intent but by effects. Here are some links to past explanations on this point which may (or not) be helpful:

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&que...

https://hn.algolia.com/?dateRange=all&page=0&prefix=true&sor...

> “Oh, I don’t mind,” she said. “I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.”

> I looked in the rearview mirror. Her eyes were glistening. “I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I should go there. He says I don’t have very long.”

> I quietly reached over and shut off the meter. “What route would you like me to go?” I asked.

How is the elderly woman in this story imposing on the narrator? He makes his own choice to give attention and patience to what he assumes is this woman’s final taxi ride. He apparently sees it as a small privilege to get to hear about her life. Why do you act as if he’s created a burden on you?

> For every sympathetic cab driver there are 100 people who are not interested in the life stories of lonely elderly people

> "I don’t have any family left,” she continued. “The doctor says I should go there. He says I don’t have very long."

This is the imposition. From that point forward it's impolite to tell her you don't care, even if it's honest. Keep your personal life to yourself.

This is…a deeply disturbing take and outlook on life, and all I can hope for is that it was meant in some dark irony that is beyond me. The sheer arrogance of it has me floored.

We are all human, and our lives are worth living and sharing. But yours? I can only imagine your existence is as lonely and angry as you wish upon others. Be well, friend, and may the sun shine on you, one day.

I'm afraid your characterization of me isn't accurate. I just like to think that we can all live our lives without imposing on other people. If the people you're listening to are resenting you for it, and are being too polite to tell you, you're doing something wrong. It's also not hard to tell when you're being resented as most people are not that good of actors. All I'm suggesting is that the elderly be as self-conscious as the rest of us are expected to be.

Please don't cross into personal attack, no matter how wrong another comment is or you feel it is.

https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html

Please explain how my comment was a personal attack.

These lines were both personal and aggressive:

> our lives are worth living and sharing. But yours?

> I can only imagine your existence is as lonely and angry as

Ok I’ll bite, you’re cynical! :)

I get that, but I've had a hard time finding an explanation of exactly why. It seems like this is something people feel, but don't do very well explaining.

Reply on news.ycombinator.com