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Comment by rjzzleep | Hacker News Reader

Is sexuality the only conflicting thing we can think of nowadays? I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me, without even getting to thinking about what sexuality I may have.

In general I agree with the premise of "You need to find people who are capable of understanding you".

It's actually a combination of that and your feeling about yourself. I'm not sure how to describe it, but I'll just call it once you're in balance with yourself, i.e. in an okay(maybe not perfect or ideal) mental state, and you have some sort of pillar you can lean on(your beliefs, your understanding of the world, etc.), then its no longer about your desire to get others to accept you, but rather putting yourself in an environment where you feel okay.

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OP chose it as example. It’s one I can relate to as a person who realized my queerness late in life, and still selectively “out”. My reaction was similar to OP’s, but the example I thought of was finding out I’m autistic. I understand myself a great deal better knowing that, but it hasn’t exactly made people more willing to get to know the me I can better explain.

There are tons of examples OP could have chosen, this was just one that they did. It’s not the only example, but not everything needs to be exhaustive to be valuable for thought and discussion.

It’s not the only one but it’s a very good example of how social dynamics can change with the additional of new knowledge, even if it’s inconsequential for the learner. It’s reportedly better now but my gay friends all have these horrible stories about how people they used to get along with fine cut them off abruptly or even got violent once they came out. Most similar intensity responses are for things like racism where there’s not the surprise whiplash element.

Another one I’d use is leaving an insular religion but the way that works tends to mean fewer people have observed it (e.g. if you don’t hang around with fundamentalists you probably haven’t witnessed it first or second hand).

> I can think of at least 10 things people might freak out about me

Wow! I'm a total weirdo and I can only think of like 4-5.

As far as making their point goes, sexuality is a pretty convenient placeholder for issues of identity.

As for reaching personal balance independently, it's a much shorter path to self acceptance moving from environments that stifle you to one's that encourage. Perhaps largely because it answers the question of whether there might actually be something wrong with you, and not everyone else. Before even getting into the possibility of actually thriving.

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