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But at the end of the day is this living?

I also passed through a phase in which I felt like I had to account for every second in a day. Not anymore.

I try to keep my calendar open and prioritize things that I really enjoy doing + self-care.

Moderation is key. On the one hand a high cadence plan/act/review cycle is rocket fuel for personal productivity, and nothing forces you to manage focus and flow as well as blocks in a calendar, but on the other hand you need to space things out, manage energy, and give yourself some room to breathe. Otherwise the parts of your brain that aren’t planning your every waking moment will eventually rebel.

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