So sorry for your loss.

Regarding wanting to get back in to CS: I became a dev in my mid 30s, and found my first job in a country where I don't speak the language. Received plenty of rejections and embarrassed myself during both whiteboard and take home coding challenges.

Even when I went above and beyond for a take home challenge, the offer went to someone else. But something stuck out to the hiring director (grit, belligerence in the face of the odds?) and I was offered a position mainly on my intangibles.

Sometimes I tend over think and catastrophize, but every now and then I catch lightning in a bottle and defiantly ignore that skeptical voice. So I hope you can take something from my rant.